Not Broken, Not Yet | Tom Riddle

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

It was finally the day I had been dreading, and looking forward to all at the same time. My first day at Hogwarts. The start of a new life. A new chapter.

I had woken up early, probably earlier than strictly necessary. But I couldn't force myself back to sleep, the previous night's nightmares fresh on my mind, made only worse by the nerves.

So was it that I sat alone in my window, looking at my reflection in a small hand mirror. It was a dainty thing in silver with carved thorns and roses framing an engraved sentence. Per Aspera Ad Astra. Through hardship to the stars. It was the only thing I had left of my mother.

I looked at the reflection in the mirror. Staring into the emerald eyes meeting me there, following the traces of the familiar dark circles underneath my eyes. I used to hate them, I still did to some extent. If it weren't for them, for my hollow cheeks and clouded gaze I might have found myself beautiful. But as I looked at my reflection I could see only flaws, flaws and the shadows of scars I hid for all I was worth.

Slowly, as I stared at my reflection the dark circles faded away, as did the traces of scars. A whole person once more. I touched my cheek, feeling it fill out under my touch as the sharpness softened and my pale skin flushed. It wasn't real. None of it was. But it was something. And somehow it felt easier pretending I was fine if I looked it. Slowly I pulled my lips back into a smile. Beautiful once more. Even if it was all fake.

A tear fell down my cheek. I watched as ut trickled down past my nose, eyes empty as I followed the single drop's path over the mask that was my face. Julius, no doubt sensing my emotions, jumped up next to me and pressed himself toward me.

"I'm okay." I whispered as he made himself comfortable in my knee and started purring. "I'm okay." I repeated, over and over again until I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince.

When I met Riddle outside later my face was wiped clean of tears. A perfect mask that could almost rival his own. He didn't comment on it but I felt his gaze on me as we once more sat side by side on the bus. Like before I looked out of the window, staring at the people we passed by.

"I don't know how any of you do it." I said, staring at the streets full of people. How they went along their normal lives even through all that happened around them.

"Do what?" Riddle asked, only somewhat coldly, without looking at me.

"Live in this. While this is going on. The war, I mean." I said, not looking at him either. Julius purred in my knee, shifting so I could rub his belly. Beside me Riddle was quiet for a moment.

"War is a part of our nature. We adapt." He finally said. Voice uncaring.

"Not an optimist, huh?" I snorted.

"I'm a realist." He said coldly. "It doesn't make me a pessimist. Simply..."

"Realistic?" I asked, trying not to chuckle.

"Amongst other things." He agreed.

I sighed and leaned against the window. "I wish I could be an optimist." I mumbled as we passed people outside. "Life would have been a whole lot simpler."

"If you truly believe that you are even more daft than I first thought." Riddle snapped, and that was the end of our conversation until we finally arrived at King Cross.

The station was packed with people, were it not for Riddle and his talent of making people flee with a mere glance I didn't know how we would have gone anywhere. Pushing a cart with all my bags and belongings I felt rather helpless in the midst of the crowd. All I could do was focus on the back of Riddle's head as he paved the way through the crowd.