Not Broken, Not Yet | Tom Riddle

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

- Tom -

Hogwarts was my home. My one true place of peace and comfort. There I could almost be myself. There I had control and authority. But these couple of months had changed something. It made me uneasy. I didn't feel as safe. I didn't have control. The feeling made me feel suffocated. I spent most of my time in the only place I knew I could be alone, The room of requirement. I spent almost all my free time reading about the dark arts and researching, I tried to convince myself that I was searching for answers and power... But deep down I knew it wasn't true. I was avoiding something, no, someone. My body wanted to be near her and keep her safe and from the eyes of the boys at this school. But my mind... My mind knew that this was a trick. A weakness. It wasn't real. My mind played tricks on me to test me. But I wasn't stupid enough to believe it. Amberly was nothing to me... nothing...

Angrily I shut the book I had been reading. I couldn't focus. I kept seeing her face instead of the words. What was this? Why can't I control my body and why do I always fantasise about her?
I knew directly what the fool Dumbledore would say about this. 'Love, the greatest magic, bla bla bla'
But love wasn't real. It was a way for ordinary humans to find a mate. Not some connection between the souls or whatever lie Dumbledore would have me believe. It was an instinct planted in us biologically to ensure the survival of the race. Love was but a lie told to weak minds and idiots that couldn't bear the truth. And more importantly. Love made you weak, dependent and foolish. Love was the end of power.

How could such a gifted wizard be so blind? So naive? It baffled my mind. The puzzle that was Albus Dumbledore. The supposedly greatest wizard of our time.
I started to walk around the big grand room decorated in green and silver. I walked to a wall and as I expected a window appeared there. It gave me a full view of the lake. The sun shone bright, lighting up the snowy landscape. The months seemed to pass me by slowly. I couldn't wait to enter the real world of magic. Discover my true potential and seek the power I so longed for. But I had so much time left. Waiting felt horrendous, but what more could I do?

At 9 o'clock I stood outside the potions classroom. And of course she was there. Even after several months I hadn't gotten used to seeing her. Gotten used to her presence. Everytime I found myself staring at her before I realised what I was doing. This weak, mundane girl that spent her time around jocks and idiots.

She stood with her friends, arm in arm with Johansson. I still couldn't stand seeing them together. Their status as a couple had spread around the school. As had the gospel of both their goodness. I felt my eyes darkening as they lingered on the placement of his hands. I hated both of them. Him for being with her, and her for making me this... distracted. I felt the anger building up in me when someone laid a hand on my shoulder. I turned around. Malfoy.

"What?" I snapped, glancing at him coolly.

"Me and the others wondered when the next meeting will be." He asked, glancing over at Avery and Rosier. He looked pathetic yet boldly tried to meet my gaze.

I conjured a chilly smile as I looked down upon him. "We meet when I deem it fit. It is not for you, Avery or Rosier to question me. Is that understood?" I asked, talking very quickly under my breath.

Malfoy immediately lowered his gaze and nodded. He knew he'd gotten off easy. "Of course, of course." He mumbled.

I gave him one last long glance before allowing him to walk back to the others. So needy. What would they be without me? Nothing. I gave them everything. I made them powerful and with my help they would grow even so. And they were all all too aware of that singular fact. The powerless so often lust for the powerful. Though I would of course have been lying if I didn't admit that I liked the idea of those rich spoiled brats coming to me, an orphan. If even those people, in all their stupidity, could recognise true power.