𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐱|𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧

fifty third

i jumped up quickly quickly at the voice.
david immediately let go of my hand and gave a chuckle.
they were all ganging up on me.

everyone was out to get me i knew i should've stayed in my fucking house i knew it how could i be so fucking stupid after all that happened in the church why did i want it to keep happening to me.

slut

"phil", i said breathlessly
he had a joint hanging between his index and middle finger.
"dan? who is this?"
i didn't know, i didn't know what he wanted but i knew what he'd done so far. and i didn't like it.
"david", my mouth hurled out before my brain could comprehend what was happening.

i'm so fucking stupid.
i was angry, it'd happened again. luckily phil was there to stop it from going further.
he had seen me with him, i must've looked so disgusting sitting on an old mans lap at the bus stop in shorts.
he must think i'm a cheat. now phils going to leave me here, he's going to leave me alone with this man because he thinks i know him. i can't say in front of him that i don't know him, he'll hurt me, he'll follow us home he'll find me he'll touch me i can't let that happen again.

david bent down to tie his shoelace after giving a small wave to phil.
he had a cross necklace.
god was he from the church? we're they all following me trying to get me back?

i felt my blood run cold.
i looked phil dead in the face and mouthed a "help me".
i looked desperate, i knew i did. i was.

i could feel my hands shaking and my forehead sweating.
"what? what's wrong dan?"

idiot. now david's going to take me away and rape me.

i ran. i ran as fast as i possibly could.
i don't think i've ever ran that fast in my life.

as sob escaped my lips as i turned into my street.
i slowed down and began to walk, with shaking hands i tried to empty the tobacco out of the cigarette and put the weed in. luckily it was already grinded.

i didn't know what i was doing. at all.
i was trying not to rip the paper.
god phil must think that i was asking for it, that i sat in his lap willingly because i'm a fucking slut. he must think that all that happened in the church wasn't bad either, he must think i'm lying to cover up the fact i'm a slut.

i could hear foot steps behind me but they didn't catch up to me until i had lit the now joint.
"dan! wait!"
i didn't. i didn't want to. i didn't want to ever see phil again, i wanted to disappear.
i wanted to go home and hide from everyone.

after what he had just seen i never wanted to talk to him again.