Why We Can't Be Together ✔

Forbidden

Dear Forbidden,

Forbidden, you're forbidden. You're the Danger Zone; you're something I can't have.

A moment—that's all it takes—just a moment.

A moment is all I needed to fall for you; a moment to let my heart latch onto this idea; a moment to feel something.

I just needed a moment.

I felt that, in that moment, there was a connection. It's not nice and fluttery and cute; it's dangerous and thought-provoking and controversial. I don't want these feelings; I don't feel like I can't be with you because I know we could be good together if...things were different.

I knew you for the longest; I knew you for almost my entire life; we know the in's and out's of each other's lives; we've been through much more than a superficial friendship. 

It's a give-and-take relationship; you tell me your secrets; I tell you mine. It's always been like that, but now it's been difficult; now, my reality isn't aligning with yours; now, what I think is right is just plain wrong.

I am not sure what I am supposed to do anymore.

Yet I still like you. I like you, Forbidden—I do.

I can't help but feel like there's a connection there; I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with you.

It's just a line I can't cross; I can't do that with you. 

I would daydream about; I imagine what it would be like to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you; I imagine every scenario in my head, but it never quite seems right; it's not perfect.

There is every reason you can think of about why I can't be with you. If you think about it − that's why I shouldn't be with you. 

I can't be with someone in your position; it's too complicated; it's messy; too many people are involved.

I can't let myself be involved with that kind of drama.

Every scenario in my head doesn't end in a happily ever after; all I see is danger; all I see is dismantling of worlds, of relationships, of hearts.

It's a curse.

We can't.

We can't. Ever.

Unless you want to hurt everyone around us; unless you want to get rejected; unless you want to go through more immense, insufferable, emotional pain.

We can't...we just can't.

Don't tempt me; don't talk to me; don't be nice to me.

Just be an asshole, please, for your and my sake. I can't stand to think of you as more than friends; I need the distance; I need the boundaries; I need something to stop me from getting my heart broken again—to be broken again.

Why do the people meet, and there's no way for them to be together?

Why?

Why? Why? Why?

Whywhywhy?

Despite all of this, despite all of these reasons, despite all of the warnings, despite all the red flags, I still want you.

I still want you in my life; I still want to talk to you; I still want to be close to you; I still want to know about you—know everything about you.

And when there's something I can't have, I want it even more.