If I Die Tomorrow (Sons of Anarachy)

Fourteen

Jax was off the next few days. Whenever we spoke it was like he wasn't really with me, but off some place in his head. I'd asked him repeatedly if him and I were okay. His response was always a forced smile and an "Of course we are."

I didn't think Jax was the jealous type. Most likely it was just me overthinking everything. Deep down I hoped that Jax wanted me more than just a friend. So in my head it only made sense that he'd be upset that I'd gone on a date with Juice. It could also just be club issues bothering him.

After about a week of Jax being there but not really, I decided to ask Gemma. She was the only other person who could set my mind at ease. It'd gotten to the point where I considered backing off from Juice. It's not like we were doing anything anyways. Just talking, we hadn't hung out again.

I'd snuck into the garage without being seen. I'd spotted Jax instantly. One of the few times I've see Jax or any member of SAMCRO not wearing a cut is when they're here. Instead it's a light blue Teller-Morrow mechanic shirt that had their names stitched onto the pocket.

Jax was in the process of removing a tire from an older car. His shoulder length blond hair looked greasy and was hanging down covering his face, per usual. He was covered in grease and by the looks very busy and lost in his work. It made it easier for me to scoot into the office without being seen.

I'd gotten up way earlier than normal so it wasn't like Jax would expect to see me anyways. My mind was a crazed mess and sleeping lately only made it worse. I'd been having crazy dreams about Jax going all psycho obsessed and trying to kill Juice. Sometimes the rolls were reversed and Juice would try to kill Jax. They were always very vivid and I'd wake in a cold sweat.

"Gemma I need to ask you a question." I said shutting the office door quickly. She was in the process of searching a filing cabinet and jumped when I spoke.

"Jesus Jaelyn! What are you doing up this early?" It was eleven. I'd gotten roughly six hours of sleep. I'd lived on less when I was overseas.

"I couldn't sleep." I shut the blinds into the office and then peeked out them. Opie was helping Jax with the car. He was almost as dirty as Jax.

"Something wrong baby?" Gemma placed a hand on my shoulder, her voice sounding curious. I knew I was acting weird. "Something with my son I take it?"

"Every time we talk it's like he's not there. I know something's bothering him but he won't tell me what it is." Spinning back to Gemma I felt tears threatening but I forced them away. God I was acting like a clingy girlfriend. Gemma motioned for me to sit.

"Don't worry it's got nothing to do with you and Juice going on a date." She knew me too well. "Jax just had something...big happen and I know he'll tell you when he's ready." Relief washed over me as well as a tinge of disappointment.

It was something big. Well what was big? Was it club related? Juice hadn't been acting weird anytime I'd spoken to him. Unless he dealt with issues differently. Maybe it was something going on higher up in the ranks? But then why would he tell me? I had no reason to know club business.

Turning in my seat, I couldn't help but peek at Jax again. Him and Opie were having a cigarette. They stood over by the trunk of the car talking. The car was now up on a lift and Jax had a hand on it for support. He was facing the office, giving me the perfect opportunity to study him.

Jax squinted in the sunlight. I could see the tension in his shoulders from here. Even though he was taking a break you could clearly tell he wasn't relaxed. It made me feel better that Gemma thought he would eventually tell me. Even though I'd have to wait, I at least felt relief at the thought that Jax would open up to me.