the oblivion

nine

nine.

seven days. one whole week since i've last seen ellis. the last time i saw him was when he showed up at my doorstep then gregg took him home.

ever since then, he never came to 'our bench.'

i still haven't given up. even if i've waited for him for two days, doesn't mean i would give up on him.

today, sunday, i sat at the same spot as usual. i was rereading the fault in our stars because i missed ellis.

i was in the part where augustus was explaining his metaphor to hazel when someone sat beside me. gregg's shaggy hair that resembled his brother's came into sight.

i turned to gregg with a confused look, "what -"

he cut me off when he shook his head. then he drew out a long breath. "ellis is," he started with a sad tone, "he's uhm, he's uh.." then he looked up at me.

i could see clearly that his eyes looked puffy and a frown was stitched to his lips.

"he couldn't remember anything or anyone -nothing at all." he continued. "not even me, or mom or dad or even himself." his voice was soft.

"i'm sorry gregg." i spoke softly.

he shook his head again. "no, it's fine. i knew it would happen eventually." he explained. "yesterday he had a panic attack then fainted. he couldn't remember anything, he was crying from frustration."

gregg started to tear up a bit then he looked down again. i placed my hand on his back and tried my best to comfort him.

"is he okay now?" i asked slowly.

gregg took another deep breath and raised his head up slowly. he had this kind of apologetic look before he spoke, "honestly? no. he's been starving for as long as i could remember. feeding failure and incapacity to provide proper nutrients can happen when you have alzheimer's, and ellis is experiencing it." his words dropped heavily, his next words however, made my knees go weak. "he's in the hospital."

the blood in my veins suddenly felt cold and there was a stinging feeling in my eyes. suddenly the hope that had been sparking inside of me -the hope that one day ellis would be fine, though it would be impossible- died. from the look on gregg's face told me that nothing was going okay.

"he remembered." he said softly. "he told me that you would be here waiting for him, he told me to get you. he's looking for you."

"what does he know?"

gregg shrugged. "small things; me, mom and dad, you, some old memories, himself, a few of his friends. only a few significant things." i only nodded before gregg spoke again. "will you come with me to ellis?"

"of course." i gave a small smile.

gregg let out a breath, as if he was holding it in and pushed himself up the bench. i stood up afterwards and walked with him towards the hospital.

minutes later, we were walking in the halls. my hands were cold and slightly sweaty, my breathing was unsteady and my eyes roamed everywhere. i was nervous.

when gregg stopped in front of one particular room, he looked at me with a sort of sad and hopeful look.

"he's weak. the doctors gave him something that calms his system down." he warned me as he placed his hand on top of the doorknob and slowly twisted it.

i shook both my hands before i pushed the door open slowly. i saw ellis, he was lying down. he looked paler and a lot thinner.

when he felt my presence, he turned his head and gave me a weak grin.

"hey fleur." his voice was soft and raspy.

"hi ellis." i tried to make my voice as happy as possible even if it was about to crack.

he patted the seat next to his bed, instructing me to sit on it.

"how are you?" i asked him.

he attempted to widen his grin. "i'm fine."

i lightly laughed at his lie.

"i miss you." he suddenly said in a softer and more serious tone as he held my hands. "i'm sorry that you have to see my like this."

i shook my head. "i love you ellis. and even if you're in a hospital bed or in another bad situation, i still would." i smirked and chuckled softly, "even if, remember?"

he nodded. "even if."

i brought his hands up to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. we both had smiles playing on our lips.

"what's that?" he said pointing towards the book on my lap.

"oh it's the fault in our stars." i told him.

he had a confused look on his face. "what's the fault in our stars?"

"it's your favorite book."

ellis showed a sad emotion. "i can't remember it."

i still kept the smile on my face. "maybe you could read it one day."

"one day." ellis drew out a breath. then he groaned, his face contorted, he pulled his hand away from mine and placed it on top of his stomach. he made noises that showed that something was hurting.

"ellis, are you okay?" i questioned worriedly.

he calmed down a bit and started to breath deeply and slowly. "i'm fine." he offered a small grin.

"really?"

"really." he reassured.

i thought for awhile before he held my hands again and gave a convincing look before i dropped the matter.

"okay, just tell me when you feel something." i informed him.

he had a mischievous look. "i can feel my love for you."

i shoved him lightly and shook my head. "i mean if you feel hurt or something bad."

he nodded. "okay." he rubbed my hand with his thumb and looked at me deeply. "i love you so much fleur. so so so so so much. that's not even enough to tell you how much i do."

"and i love you so much more ellis." i told him.

he grinned and held my cheek. ellis pulled me down for a kiss. he sat up a little bit as he cupped my cheeks. i held his torso softly, afraid he might get hurt somehow.

i felt ellis smile before he pulled back and laid down on his bed again. he held my hands again.

"whatever happens, i love you okay?" ellis spoke.

i nodded. "and i love you too."

ellis closed his eyes. "they gave me something that makes me feel drowsy." he informed me. "can you sing me a song till' i fall asleep?"

"of course."

"will you still be here when i wake up?"

but you won't remember me. "i'll be here."

"okay." he had a small smile on his face.

then i started to sing softly, i could feel his hands slowly unlatch to mine as he drifted off to unconsciousness.

when i was sure he was deep into sleep, i gently slid my hands off his and stopped singing.

i stood up and examined him for a few seconds. "i love you ellis." i whispered. "even if." then a tear rolled down my cheek as i left the hospital room.

_______

almost there, until the ending. :"(

ily to my readers who are still reading this story even if i update slow.

ily as much as fleur loves ellis.