Alias- Jack & Laura

12) Tears

Jack stayed with his wife until lunchtime and fed her; then he announced that he was going home. "I told Arvin to tell Sydney that I'd pick her up at school. I'm sure she'll want to see you; children's visiting hours are from four to six, so I'll bring her in somewhere in there." His tone clearly told Irina that he was only allowing her to see Sydney because there was no way to avoid it while maintaining an illusion of normalcy.

Irina sighed. "Jack, despite what you may think, I do love Sydney, more than anything, and I would never want to do anything to hurt her."

Jack turned away and tried once again to keep from shouting at her. He remembered the tape he'd listened to the night before; she'd never been supposed to have a child. He remembered something else now, too-a clue that he'd missed at the time that Laura wasn't all she should be.

***

September 1974

Laura had seemed rather down for the last few weeks, and Jack had planned a surprise to cheer her up. It was the Friday before Labor Day, and he'd made reservations at a bed-and-breakfast about an hour away. He'd managed to get away a little early on Friday and had hurried home, excited and ready to tell her to pack her bags.

She'd been on the phone when he'd gotten there; he hadn't been trying to sneak or anything, but she didn't acknowledge his presence in the kitchen. So he waited and listened to her side of the conversation. "I am? Are you sure?" A pause. "Yes, Thursday morning at nine will be fine. Thank you, doctor." She'd hung up the phone and just stood there for a moment. Then her shoulders had started to shake.

"Laura?" Jack said. She jumped, but didn't turn around. He hurried forward and wrapped his arms around her. "Laura, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Was she sick? Why had she been talking to a doctor?

She twisted in his arms and buried her head in his shoulder without ever giving him a chance to see her face. He felt a damp spot on his shirt slowly spreading. She mumbled something. "What?"

She pulled back just enough to speak clearly. "I'm pregnant," she whispered. "We're going to have a baby."

A baby? His dread quickly changed to joy. A baby! So why was Laura crying? He stroked her hair. "Honey, this is a good thing, right? I mean, we always said we wanted a child one day."

She finally looked at him, smiling but with tears still streaming down her face. "I know, I 's a surprise, and I'm happy and worried , you know, all at the same time. I'm afraid I won't be a good mother."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. "Oh, Laura, you'll make a wonderful mother, and I love you so much. There's nothing to worry about."

***

In all the years that followed, Jack had never quite understood why she'd cried that day. Now, finally, he did. He turned around and looked at her. "You were never supposed to have a child. She was just an 'accident'. It's too bad I was there when you found out, wasn't it? That's why you were crying. Because I knew, and so you couldn't just get rid of it. You don't deserve to be a mother." He saw her shoulders start to shake, knew that she was starting to cry, but told himself that he didn't care. Without another word, he left the room.