Alias- Jack & Laura

25) Have You Ever..?

In the bathroom, Jack splashed cold water on his face. He couldn't believe that he had actually hit her. He didn't feel the slightest bit drunk anymore. He could have really hurt her, had been close to it when he had her pinned to the bed-and she would have let him. That was the worst part. He'd been about to beat up someone who wouldn't fight back. Damn her. If she'd just get mad at him, or even be cold and unfriendly, this wouldn't hurt so much. If she'd just be a little more spy-like, he thought. But no, she kept looking at him with that sad, understanding look on her face, like she felt sorry for him. He didn't need the pity of a Russian spy, dammit.

He thought back to when she'd been in the hospital; he'd been starting to see her as a new person, someone very much like his Laura but with a past he knew nothing about. But that had been in the neutral setting of the hospital; here, where her touch was everywhere, inescapable, he couldn't help but be reminded of what he had lost. He sighed. His mind came back to the image of Laura lying so still beneath his hands, so calm even though she must have been sure that he was going to hurt her. It was almost as if she wanted to take his pain away, even if it meant bearing it way she always had. The comfort she had given him before had always been real, he realized, to her as well as to him. What had it been like for her, to comfort her enemy? To hold him and tell him he'd done the right thing after he told her of killing her countrymen?

He closed his eyes as a wave of exhaustion swept him. He'd been thinking too damn much. He brushed his teeth before slowly opening the door to the bedroom.

Laura had changed into a conservative nightgown and was perched on the edge of the still-made bed. When Jack opened the bathroom door, they just stared at each other for a moment. Then Jack said, "I shouldn't have hit you."

"It's all right," she answered. He went over to the dresser and started changing into his pajamas with his back to her. "Jack, I can sleep on the couch downstairs if you want me to."

Without turning, he said, "You can't sleep on the couch. You have a broken leg." She didn't bother to say that the couch was a far better bed than she'd ever had as a child, including when she'd had broken bones. "Besides," Jack added, "you know Sydney goes down there early in the morning sometimes."

"She already knows something's wrong."

"I'm trying, dammit!" he said, sudden anger surprising him. He finished changing and turned around. "Pretending that you feel something you don't might come easily enough to you, but it's a little harder for me, okay?"

His strike at her must have hurt, but she didn't respond to it. "I know, Jack. I know it's hard," she said. "And Sydney was bound to notice; she's very perceptive. There's nothing you could have done about that." She stood and managed to pull the covers down, then got into bed.

Jack sighed and walked around the bed. "I never was very good at undercover missions, and now my whole life has become one! Do you have any idea what that's like?" She just raised her eyebrows at him. He looked at her for a moment in puzzlement, and then felt incredibly stupid. "God. Of course you do." He turned off the light and then got in bed, lying as close to his edge as possible. They both stared into the darkness for a moment. Suddenly a question popped into Jack's head. He didn't want to know the answer, but he had to ask. "Laura, did you have sex with anyone else, after we were married?"

There was silence for a moment, and then she answered. "Yes."