Alias- Jack & Laura

27) Holding On

Jack lay on his back, listening to Laura's breathing. He wasn't sure what to think about the evening's revelations. His skin crawled at the thought of Laura .with another man, but he knew that she hadn't had a choice. And her child should have to go through that, and she obviously wasn't over it. Yet she'd been willing to let him treat her the same way.

He tried to clear his mind to sleep, but then he realized that rather than getting slow and even, Laura's breathing sounded strained. He turned toward her and remembered that she had broken ribs on her right side. "Laura?" he said softly. She tensed visibly, probably afraid that he would revisit the earlier topic of conversation. "Um, maybe you shouldn't be lying on your broken don't sound too good."

"Oh," she murmured. With some difficulty, she rolled to her left side, landing only inches from him. The moon chose that moment to shine through the cracks in the blinds, and they stared at each other for a long moment. Jack suddenly felt a longing for her touch, so strong that the ache was almost physical. Tentatively, he extended a hand toward her; she took it with a slight smile.

With his other hand, he gently caressed her cheek. "We can never go back, can we?" he whispered.

"No, Jack," she answered, taking his hand as he started to put it back down. "We can't. But do you want to? Would you rather have found out the truth after I'd been extracted?"

He held her eyes. "I don't know. I just.I don't know. I don't know what's true and what's not anymore."

"I love you, Jack. That's true." She saw the uncertainty on his face. "Jack, think about it. Do you really think that anyone, no matter how good at acting, could pretend to be in love with someone for ten years?"

He was silent for a long moment. "I don't know, Laura. , I obviously missed something. I mean, I'm trained to be observant, to figure out who's being insincere, who's hiding something, but I didn't see any of that with you."

She looked at him sadly. "Because you loved me," she whispered.

Abruptly he pulled his hands from hers and rolled onto his back, breaking eye contact. "I loved the character you were playing. Not you."

"There was no character, Jack. Just a different life history. I never lied when it wasn't necessary." He didn't answer. She sighed. "There's nothing I can do to convince you, is there? We could go on like this for another ten years, and you might still believe that I'm playing a part."

"Well, obviously I'm not any good at discerning whether you're telling the truth or not."

"I hated lying to you, Jack. I was surprised when I realized that lying to you bothered me, because it's never been an issue with anyone else. I've never felt the slightest guilt about telling my handlers that I'm still loyal to my country, that you and Sydney mean nothing to me. But you, Jack, you were different. I felt so relieved when I found out that I didn't have to lie to you anymore."

He turned back toward her. "It would have been easier to lie to me handlers."

"Yes, it would have. But there have been too many lies already." She reached out and took his hand. "Jack, I know you'll never trust me again like you did before. But we are going to have to work together, we have a child to raise together, and you're going to have to trust me at least a little. I won't make that harder by lying to you, not even if a lie would be easier."

Jack didn't know what to think. She seemed sincere, but what if she wasn't? Did he dare to let down the walls that he had so recently built, even a tiny bit? She saw his indecision and gave him a small smile. "It's all right, Jack. I know it's going to take time."

He gave her hand a squeeze. "We should get to sleep," was all he could think of to say.

"Yes."

Jack felt the need to touch her again, and this time he acted on it, putting his arm around her. "Can I hold you?" he asked tentatively.

"Of course," she said instantly. He moved closer and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. She put her arms around his neck and snuggled into his chest. As always, their bodies fit together perfectly, and they were soon asleep.