(Johnny's fate is the same as it is in the book)
I sat on the couch, completely still. I can't move. I think. Maybe I won't move. I can't tell anymore.
I can't tell what I need anymore. I can't separate what I think I need and what I actually need. No, I do know what I need. I need him.
Johnny. I need Johnny. 'You can't have him' I scolded myself. 'He's gone. Dead. Deceased. Up in heav- ...'
I can't finish my thought. It was too painful.
Now thinking about it, I actually need sleep. I don't sleep, not without him by my side. Not without him to give me a goodnight kiss. Not without him to wake me up, a sweet nose kiss and a smile.
Oh that smile, it would make my heart skip a beat. That smile. I'll never see it again.
At least he died a hero. At least he died knowing he did the right thing. But, his way to go was terrible. He was in pain, so much of it. The memory makes my heart wrench.
He told me he wouldn't go. He promised me he wouldn't. And now look where he his.
Flashback:
I was with Johnny, at his side. He was turned, he was laying on his back instead of on his stomach, like the last time I saw him.
He was quiet, more quiet than usual. I could tell by his face he was in pain. He winced at every movement, and you could hear that he was struggling to breathe.
We said nothing. I didn't want him to be in pain, and the best way for him not to was to be quiet.
"Did you die?" Johnny said faintly, it was barely audible.
"What?" I asked.
"Did you die? Why ain't you talking?" He tried to smile, but he grimaced at the action. I smirked.
"Don't smile Johnny," I told him, "you'll hurt yourself."
"More than I already am?" He asks me. His voice was so silent, I couldn't tell if he was serious or not.
"Yes. More than you already are."
We sat in silence again. It wasn't awkward, not at all. It was like there was love in the air. The love between us was present. It was present until he died.
"Johnnycake," I told him, "Promise me something."
"Anything."
A tear finally comes. I finally broke down. "Promise to never leave me."
Suddenly, Pony and Dally walk into Johnny's room. They tell him that they won, but Johnny hates fights. They don't solve anything. Their stupid, they couldn't tell that we were having a moment.
They start to talk to him some more, about him being in the paper and stuff. I wasn't fully listening though, I was looking at him. He was getting whiter by the second. It worried me.
He calls for Pony, but only him and I could hear Johnny's faint voice. "Stay gold, Ponyboy."
Ponyboy backed away, confused. I was confused too, but I didn't focus on it. I grabbed Johnny's hand and smiled at him through the welled up tears in my eyes. I kissed his hand and grinned at him. He grinned back, well however much he could anyway.
He slightly moved his fingers to my cheeks. With his thumb, he wiped away a tear. A thing he has done for me for ages. It's what made me feel better, always.
I looked at his face, mostly unharmed by the scorching fire. He was still handsome, even in his last hours.
Then, he squeezed me hand and let go. He took his final breath, and died.
(End of flashback)
And now he's gone. I just couldn't fathom it.
I got up, finally. I needed to be strong for the gang. For Pony. He was taking it mighty hard.
Soda snapped me out of my daze. "Ready to go Y/N?"
No, I wasn't Soda. I wasn't ready to go to my boyfriends funeral. I wasn't ready to see him. I'm not sure I could make it to tomorrow.
But I walked out the door anyways, following Soda.
I followed him, like I couldn't follow Johnny anymore.
