the boy i am........isn't me (spanking)

f o u r

 

Slowly the dots filled my ocean-blue eyes as I fought to stay awake, however they were too powerful. Fear took over my senses and my hands were moist from sweat. As my body was washed with panic I made desicion to continue yelling for help in hopes someone would hear, but it was as if my screams went to deaf ears.

Slowly, my sight made everything become a dull shade of darkness. Only one thing really popped out from the gloomy sight which was that certain wine-colored liquid that continued to gush after I cut open my own flesh. I concluded that this was the end of me. I was now traveling over to death and no one is here to save me. Its now time. Ever since we were born we were all slowly getting older and were dying. Its finally time for me to give up, so I close my eyes and a warm comfort cuddled to my limp body. Death is more welcoming than life.

Snap!

"Niall are you okay?" Louis's voice filled Niall's ears, making Niall snapped his eyes open. His eyes no longer showed dullness, but the regular colors he was used to seeing. His eyes that were like blue exotic pools that reflected his four band mates starring at him in worry and uncertainty. Niall stares back for a moment as he felt his heart pounding inside his chest (A/N this is maladaptive daydreaming) His hands shook as he was confused and afraid. 'It wasn't real." He tried calming himself down by taking deep breaths in hopes to get air inside his dry lungs. It was only my imagination. Which made it very clear when Louis added, "you were in a deep fantasizing state, almost as if a black hole has took you into its surface and you became a child of the heavens, when you stop paying attention and just smile to yourself, like you have some humorous secret that you keep to yourself. I became concerned of this new apperance of yours, mainly because you seemed edgy and tense." Its becoming worse!

Niall nodded slowly, letting the words sink into his mind. He understand what happened. Niall was daydreaming once again how he plans-or in this case-sweeps into sweet or bitter death. He can't help it when the situation occurs and its out of his own control. It wasn't the first time that this conflict inside his head popped up. It was like a tape that would rewind over and over again until he forgot about it and made a new plot. It usually straddles him that this habit of daydreaming turned into such of an obsession/addiction to him; almost like a drug, but inside he plans death and does not take it. He cannot exactly say that he is upset of the fact that his fantasy was not real. He cannot say anything at all, but all he can really conclude that it does put a blanket over his head to distract himself from the world.

Not knowing what to say and not wanting to explain what happened to him at the table (A/N remember they were eating breakfast) he simply shrugs and looks down at his plate that was full of mouth-watering food that swept the place with his warm smell, giving it a comforting feeling towards you, almost as if it cuddle in your inner cloud.

Even with his head down, he could already feel the other lads continuing to stare at him in worry. "Don't be concerned Louis, I'm obviously fine. I was just distracted." He gave him a small fake smile to ease everyone down. He didn't need to be a burden them with his sick mind and to increase there distress. He signed, "I was only happily building castles in the sky." (meaning he was daydreaming).

Being fooled by the blonde's words, Louis returned the smile. Niall couldn't help but be self-conscious about himself as he peers Louis. It was a beautiful sight to watch the grin blossom on his features while the smile reached his shinning aquamarine-colored eyes making crinkles appear on the sides. The smile showed how mentally blinded he was to even notice that the smile that Niall wore held nothing but sorrow. It showed Louis couldn't didn't know how much Niall was truly trying to kill himself; his mind already dying as it is suffocated with the brutual darkness inside his mind. He was like a moon that shined on everyone, but was surrounded by darkness even when there was a bright sunshine in front of him. Even the brightest things could hurt you.