"Why can't you just be normal"
Miara was always messed up. At just seven Miara's mother died with an incurable disease. Her sister left her to go with her boyfriend to college when she was 12 and her father was an workaholic and was very neglectful...
I don't want to leave his side but my legs keep walking, even if I don't want them to. I just know the voices will start when I leave him. I just put up a fake smile and walk on. As predicted the voices start when I get in the door.
Reuben is lying to you.
Your 'friends' don't care about you.
Give up already.
They scream as I go up the stairs to my bedroom. I stop as I passed the bathroom. I went into the bathroom and looked for my razor. I usually hide it in my makeup bag. Mainly because my dad doesn't care or even look for where I hide it.
Self-harm warning! I dig to the bottom of the bag and take out my purple razor. I change into my black t-shirt to not get blood over my good clothes. I hear the voices get quieter and quieter as the razor gets closer to my skin. One dark red line appears on my right arm. I make more lines up and down my arm. When there's no more room I don't stop. I go on to the next arm, doing the same to it. It gets to the point where I can't cut anywhere else on my arms so I start to cut my stomach. I pull down my t-shirt and washed the blood off. I felt numb, I couldn't feel anything. I felt sick and like I was going to faint. Good, I deserve to suffer. I stumbled over to my bedroom after tidying away my razor and washing all the blood off of it. I fall on to my bed and crawl into a ball. I can't cry anymore because of how bad it is making my throat. I finally fall asleep after hours of reminding myself of my worthlessness. All good my dudes
The next morning I get out of bed and look at myself in my mirror. God, I'm so fat and disgusting. I finally stop criticising myself and start to get dressed. I pick out this outfit for today.
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I put on my cat beanie and go downstairs. I start to feel very dizzy as I walk down the stairs. I grip on to the bannister as I walk until I get into the kitchen. I grab the kitchen counter as I walk over to the tap to get a glass of water. I get a glass of water and take a tablet to help with my headache and the dizziness. I finally get out to the gate, still holding onto things like benches, walls and basically anything other than another person. I get to the bus stop and sit down. I check my phone to see if Lola, Lilith or Reuben had texted me when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to see Lola and Lilith.
"Miara!" Lola says, sitting down with her girlfriend, "How you doing!"
"I feel a bit dizzy and I have a migraine," I admit.
"Awe that sucks mate," Lilith says.
As we are talking Reuben runs up to us. He walks up beside me and kisses my cheek.
It was a bad idea. Lola freaks out and almost faints. She claims it's because her 'ship' is happening. Lilith just giggles and congratulates us. It's funny how all of us are dating now. Lola and Lilith, Reuben and I. I can feel all the glares and all the whispers about me as we walk over to our bus. Luna probably told some rumour about me on Instagram or something.
Reuben sat next to me on the bus and Lilith and Lola sat behind us. A migraine gets worse when the bus starts to move. I grab Reuben's hand and close my eyes to help with the pain. When the bus stops Reuben nudges me, signalling for me to move.
"As cute as you are right now," Reuben begins, "We need to get to class."
I stand up slowly and get out of the bus. I honestly don't deserve Reuben. He's always there when I need him. God, I must be such a pain for him. I hate being this burden for everyone. I know my old therapist told me not to think like that but I can't help it.
I hold Reuben's hand tighter when we walk into the crowded corridor. People shove into me on purpose as my friends and I walk past. I flinch every time as they are touching the cuts on my arms. I can't believe how none of the teachers does anything. I guess they don't care about any of us. I get to the first period quite early but the downside is that Luna is in my class. I sit down at my desk and look down at my table. It was covered in the same untidy handwriting that my locker had. More offensive slurs and hateful sentences were all over it. It must have written in sharpie because as hard as I try it doesn't come off. I start to feel pricks of tears in my eyes. I look under my desk to see if they got to any of my work. Luckily they didn't get to it but they wrote on one of Reuben's notes.
Kill yourself you b*tch!
That's what hurt the most. I felt as if everything around me was spinning around and round. Every part of my body ached with all of my cuts and hunger. I tried to get up and tell the teacher about my migraine and the dizziness but as I stand up I feel two hands dig into my shoulders.
"If you dare tell the teacher about this say goodbye to Reuben," Luna hisses in my ear.
"I w-was going t-to tell her a-about my migraine."
"I'm everywhere Glen, be careful," She spits getting back in her seat. I go up to the front of the class and finally tell the teacher about how I feel sick. She tells me to go to the bathroom and come back later. As I get to the door I hear a girl say something.
"I heard that girl stole Luna's boyfriend. Lured him in she said," The girl says to her friend, pointing at me. That's what made me mad. I felt anger in me, no I felt rage. How dare she tell them such lies! I forget about going to the bathroom or about feeling sick. I want everything to just stop.
So guess what I did. Guess. I walked up to her, grabbed her by her collar and told her my feelings.
"Tell Luna she can go f herself. And just so you know I didn't steal him. He never was hers nor is he anyone," I say, not only scaring her but myself as well. I stalk off to the bathroom and throw up as soon as I get to a stall. I thankfully got it in the toilet so I only needed to flush it away. I get my almost empty chewing gum packet from my pocket and take some out. I wash my face and look at myself. Why am I like this? Why does everyone have to hate me? What did I do? I ask myself so many questions that everything starts to spin again. Then everything started to turn black. Black black black black. That's all I saw. Then I fell to the ground.
I had fainted.
Next chapter is going to be short. Do you think Miara is okay? Do you think she is going to get help after she wakes up? Is she going to wake up? So many questions!!
