International Love. ✈ z.h.

twenty-seven. ~ ❝secret's revealed.❞ ✈

Niall's Pov

Zayn and I awkwardly sat in the booth together, Zayn constantly twiddling his thumbs while I bit my lip to help ease the anxieties we were both feeling. Seeing him in front of me didn't make me sad; it was more anger. He goes months without acknowledging me and now all of a sudden he brings himself here? I don't think so.

I crossed my arms, raising a brow as I waited for him to talk about whatever it was that seemed to be eating away at him. Seeing his face; it brought back memories of that day when I'd lost it, how empty and emotionless he was as he broke up with me. The memory became unbearable, the anger bubbling up inside me as I gave an exasperated sigh and leaned forward.

"Zayn, I—"

"Niall, I—" Another awkward silence fell on us as we both leant forward to speak, Zayn gesturing his head for me to speak as I gave a sigh and leaned back in the booth.

"Why are you here. Coming to apologize about what you've done isn't going to fix...this. Fix us. So tell me. What the hell makes you think that coming here and saying a couple words is going to make this all better?"

"Niall I didn't come here to just apologize, just let me explain—"

"Explain what? Why you broke up with me? Because we all know that you don't have a proper reason." My cold tone was harsh and I'll admit, it was rough seeing him in that state. Without the stage lights and the makeup, I could see the dark circles under his slightly sunken in eyes, how greasy his hair was and how badly he'd thinned out. I was thriving and he was sinking; and although I was angry, I still felt badly about his state.

He struggled to get his thoughts together, brows furrowing and his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find the right words to say. But it was taking too long, my patience thinning fast as I gave a harsh sigh and shook my head.

"I'm sorry Zayn but if you haven't got an answer or an explanation, then I can't do this." I stood and got ready to leave, walking towards the door of the cafe until I felt his hand on my shoulder. I turned to rip it off, my brows furrowing as I noticed the pink lines that settled on the inside of his wrist as the sleeve of his sweater rode up.

He followed my gaze and quickly pulled his hand back, pulling the sleeves down past his hands while I felt the anger surge throughout my whole body. Why did he resort to that when he knew my past? When he was the one that broke up with me?

I grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the storage closet in the cafe, the employee's not even bothering to bat an eyelash since they knew who I was at this point. Zayn stayed quiet as I closed and locked the door behind us, my breathing growing heavy as I looked him dead in the eye, rage making me lose control.

Zayn

"How long?" His voice was low, on the verge of trembling as I stayed quiet. I'd never seen Niall this angry before. Happy, sad, quiet; but never angry. I know that turning to self harm was wrong but...I didn't know what else to do. Liam wouldn't talk to me, going to my parents was straight suicide.

I felt alone, so I did what I knew nobody else wanted me to.

"Damn it Zayn," His fist slammed against the bags of sugar and coffee beans behind me, making me wince as he refused to look me in the eye. "How long!" 

"Since we broke up..." My voice was hoarse, barely a whisper as he ran his hands over his face and then punched one of the boxes on the shelves again.

"I just, I just don't fucking get it. You broke up with me. You have no idea what kind of pain I felt, not knowing what the reason was. And yet I never ever went back to my old ways. So what the fuck Zayn? Why the fuck did you do that to yourself?"

I could feel the anger slowly leaving his body as mine began to rise, pushing myself off the shelves I was leaning against and getting into his face. Who was he to tell me how I feel, to question what I did to myself when it was quite clear that he was doing a lot better than I was.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You're so damn angry that it's leading you to act out of stupidity! You think I wanted to break up with you? Try to see the bigger picture Niall! Yeah I was stupid to not tell you right away but I was so numb that I had no idea what to do!" I could feel my nose start to twitch as the angry tears came to my eyes, Niall's eyes softening from their hardened anger as my voice cracked.

"I was, no am so fucking in love with you, and I had to ruin it because I was too scared to stick up for us. I wanted to keep my job, and I chose that over my relationship with you. I've regretted it every fucking day since I did it, and the only way I could deal with it is by punishing myself. So I'm sorry if my coping mechanism upsets you, but really, yelling at me in return isn't going to help anyone. I'm sorry I even came here. Bye, Niall."

With that I pushed past him as I unlocked the door, walking back towards the front of the cafe as I heard him tripping over himself to get to me.

"Zayn—"

"Don't fucking touch me." I ripped my arm away from his grasp as he winced at my tone, turning and leaving out the door without daring to look back.

a.n.

this was short af lol SORRY but again, my old story had too much craziness going on so i had to cut it all out for it to make sense. ily guys sm.

m xx