Peter Parker/Tom Holland Imagines {REQUESTS CLOSED}

I'm Sorry - PP

Don't worry: it's not what you think it is.

Peter's POV

My feet squished in the dewy September grass, my dirty New Balances getting increasingly wetter with each step. I had stuffed my fists into my jacket pocket, pulling it closer around my body, shielding my face from the brisk early autumn air.

It took a few minutes for me to find the grave, having not have visited since the funeral, but the dark, fresh granite stone stood out like a sore thumb. My pace slowed down as I approached, and I gulped, finally closing the space between me and the grave.

Kneeling down tentatively, I didn't care about my denim jeans soaking up water from the grass. My finger shook as I reached out to trace her name. Y/n. My Y/n. She was underneath me. I remembered how she looked at the funeral.

A white dress, with a pretty lace overlay. It flared out at the waist, and hugged at the chest. A single pearl necklace accompanied her neck, hair curled into loose rings, falling over each shoulder in even pieces. Her lips were brick red- of course they were. Like that lipstick she always wore, that had the faintest taste of cherries, which I could taste every time we kissed.

She looked so beautiful. A reminder of all that was gone. That sweet, gorgeous, innocent girl that would never fail to make me feel loved. That would never fail to understand the responsibility I had, that would never make me feel guilty even when I should.

Rocking back and forth on my knees I started to lose control of my emotions. Tears fell out of me like the blood that poured from Y/n's unconscious body when I found her in that dim alleyway.

When the Father laid her body into the Earth, and I saw her sobbing mother fall to the ground, I turned around briskly, trying to escape my own personal Hell, but little did I know that there was no escape.

That her light, airy laughter would haunt my dreams, and that my mind would replay her last words to me - I love you Pete - like a broken record. That everywhere I looked I would see something that reminded me of her.

The diner where we had our first date. The park that hosted our first kiss. Even my God damn bedroom where we first declared our love for one another.

She was a part of me. And now she's gone. It's like I'm hollow, missing my other half. The only thing in life that made me smile, and laugh.

Taking a deep breath in, I shakily sighed. "Y/n." My voice was dry and cracked. I had hardly spoken in the three months since she died. "Y/n I'm so sorry. I-I should've been there, to save you. I save so many people why couldn't I save you why? Why are you being punished for my irresponsibility? I just... I wish I could turn back time.  Save you. I'm the... I'm the worst person in the world I can't-I can't live with myself it's just..." I wiped my eyes, inhaling deeply. "It's so hard. I miss you everyday. I'm sorry Y/n. I'm so fucking sorry." I was a shaking mess, and just sat there sobbing for a few minutes until I finally stood up, and turned away.