•|∆Pretty Hurts∆|•{Lookism}

38. Whore

The content in here is a little sensitive and to be honest this was hard to write I actually cried writing this but I felt as if my character was too Mary Sue and that it was a little boring that she gets all the guys so proceed with caution
I laid on my bed just staring at the ceiling thinking about his words and how it affected me. It hurt, someone I thought I could trust just basically said that they didn't need me. I should just stop worrying about it right it's not the first time someone had told me that right I should just be strong and and a-and. My thoughts just kept reminding me about that night and I broke down into tears. I'm not wanted.

Tears blurred my vision as I looked at my self in the mirror from across the room all I saw was my old self with a dirty uniform that had shoe marks and food thrown on it. I could hear the words echo in my head . Pig, ugly,fat all of it came rushing back in loud voices I stood up grabbing scissors. No I don't want to go back to the way I was please I just need another miracle please. I chopped off my hair into a short bob my waist length hair now to my shoulders I threw a brush at the mirror making it shatter into pieces I still didn't feel different. I need somebody anybody who could make me feel wanted again. I ran through the streets until my legs almost gave out I found myself in front of Jay's apartment and I sighed with relief running inside ignoring security's pleas for me to stop. When i finally reached his room I saw that he was in a bath towel he looked confused and started but me who was out of breath and tired started crying and dropped my body to the floor. "Please have sex with Jay please make me feel wanted please!!"my tears flowed non stop and as I pleaded with him he reluctantly nodded and at the time I wasn't thinking about how it would affect me or other's I wasn't thinking how this would really help me... I wasn't thinking. He undressed me carefully wiping away my tears and being gentle with me it felt as if he really wanted me his touch felt warm comforting "Jay more~"I moaned holding him close my nails digging into his back in pleasure. His moans and slight gasps always made me feel like that I was the only one for him. When we finished I blacked out falling asleep. I woke up at around dusk the orange and pink sky slowly fading to a dark blue as the sun set. Jay wasn't next to me I tried getting up but I felt a sharp pain hit me I fell to the ground along with the covers. There was blood on his bed and my sense finally came back to me. I lost my virginity a wave of shame came down upon me and I felt my whole body grow devoid of emotions I felt dead , disgusting,and shameful. What would mom and dad say if they saw me like this what would Tae say.

Jay came into the room and immediately helped me up there was a silence between us as he helped me shower I wore one of his shirt's and we sat on his bed across from each other after he finished cleaning the bed. "I'm sorry for all this and I-i "I started crying and he pulled me into his chest comforting me. I'm an idiot I'm just an attention seeker and a whore. I didn't really speak for the rest of the day only nodding and making noises of approval or disagreement. When I came back home Tae was getting ready for bed and I couldn't do it I couldn't tell him. "Hey Ha-nuel where were you today you didn't say anything about going o-"he opened the door seeing me with short hair and glass on the ground. "W-what happened why-"he turned to me and I felt my body give out from under me it felt as if my body was slowly falling Tae's worried face was the last thing I saw.