New friend || book 1

Chapter 17 - giving up

ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᴬᴺᴰ ᶜᴼᴹᴹᴱᴺᵀ!!!

I'm beginning to get more and more sad.

It's been weeks since Dan left.

I'm not myself lately.

Not the same, happy, cheerful Phil.

"Phil, are you okay? The teacher called you out today for not doing your homework or class work for a while and that's honestly worrying."

Peej seems, worried.

"Yeah."

Why must I—

L i e

"Just feeling like a rebel now???", Peej nudged my side while continuing to stuff his face with school food.

"Yeah."

I on the other hand, can't eat.

"I'll do your homework??"

I thought I was fine at first but I'm slowly breaking down inside and I can FUCKING FEEL IT.

"No, it's okay, I'll do it."

In reality, I won't, just like I won't eat or smile.. or even leave my bed to turn on the light.

"Well what are you doing? Let's go."

"What?"

"Uh class?"

"No I, I think I'm just going to go.", Peej's facial expression changed rapidly as I said this. He had a mixture of sadness and worry. Two things I really don't need from people.

"Again? Phil, you've been ditching mostly every day."

"And?!", I didn't mean to snap at him but it was too late.

"I'm—"

"Don't fucking say it Peej- don't you dare say the same god damn thing you say every fucking time. Because you're not. You're not worried."

"I—", Peej turned away from me and lifted his hand to his face.

"Peej I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"But you did Phil.", he faced me with a red face and tears falling down to his hand that was bawled up, "if you wanted me to leave you alone, you, you could have FUCKING said so."

With that, Peej grabbed his bag and ran off sobbing. Sobbing. Something I caused.

So I walked off.

And didn't stop until I reached my new destination.

The cemetery.

Dan.

"So I'm having a terrible day—", I sat down in front of his grave, "I- I snapped at Peej, I mean, I didn't mean to but like.. I'm just sick of people taking pity for me! I didn't die!"

I took a second and immediately felt myself breaking down.

"God but like, I can't fucking take it.."

I gripped the dirt in complete and utter pain.

"I'm so close to just giving up! I-I'm—", sobs erupted from the deepest parts of my sadness."I'm just going to fucking kill myself.."

I took it all in.

"No one will miss me.. abusive dad?? I got far in school..", my eyes searched my surroundings.

Searched for you.

"Dan I need you."

🅣🅗🅐🅝🅚 🅨🅞🅤

ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᴬᴺᴰ ᶜᴼᴹᴹᴱᴺᵀ!!!