Tales from the Vault

The Insulted Angelina, Part 2

Chapter 3
Angelina's boring life

"No electricity? How can there be NO ELECTRICITY?"

I groaned.

Suddenly the smell of bacon came floating up the stairs. It was heavenly.

I rolled out of bed, put on my red and purple dress, and ran downstairs.

(this was all a series of awkwardly short paragraphs)

"How about watching T.V?" Angelina suggested when I saw her in the kitchen.

"No electricity, 'member?" Karen said, who's five. (Karen was this ancient porcelain doll who had been in the family several generations. I named her thus. One day, while playing hospital, I accidentally stepped on her and separated all her limbs. She is now in one piece inside our china cabinet.)

"REMEMBER! Not 'member!" Angelina scramed. (This was supposed to be "screamed," but it was crammed at the end of a line and became scramed.)

Suddenly, our dogs Jip, Bitsy, and Oreo (AKA my two favorite stuffed dogs and my real dog) came running up to Angelina, who screamed. "Get those filthy dogs away from me!"

"But you have a dog," Molly pointed out.

"Blacker is the nicest, friendleast dog in the world!" Angelina informed us.

"So why should we think any different about our dogs?" I asked.

Angelina didn't have an answer for that.

Really? Give her three seconds and I bet she'll have one.

"Breakfast!" Mom said, putting out plates of bacon and beef hash and homemade bread.

"Are you feeling ok, honey?" Mom asked when she saw Angelina was only eating bacon.

"I don't eat hash." Angelina replied. "And how do I know if that bread is cooked or not? Mom and Dad wouldn't approove of this meal."

I should have made her concerned about the bacon. Food-borne illnesses and all that. Actually the bread would probably be what she deemed safe. But this story is not a place for logic.

Dad went out to the barn. I finished washing the dishes. (Do they honestly make Amber single-handedly wash dishes for 20-something people?) Than I had to sweep the kitchen and wipe the tables and chairs before I could play.

Okay, so these were all the chores I did every morning growing up. For my family of four, mind you. And I even had a dishwasher. Geesh, somebody help Amber out.

Andy got out his red rubber ball. "Wanna play catch?" He asked Angelina.

"The correct way to say it is, "would you like to play catch and No, I would not" Angelina informed us. (Original punctuation and random capitalization here)

The sat on the steps while we played catch, using sticks for bats. (I literally have "the" at the beginning of this sentence. I think it's supposed to be she?)

The screen door slammed and Karen walked out. "Do ya wanna play?" she asked.

"Do you want to play," Angelina corrected.

Karen looked surprised. "Yeah, I wanna play," she said. "Do you?"

"No," Angelina snapped.

"All right," Karen shrugged and ran off.

After a while Sara and Phillip and Jeffory came over. "Wanna play prarie docter?" she said. But just than, Karen, Michael, and Noah Jhonson walked over. "Hey, ya'll, we're playing prarie docter," Phillip called to them.