Diary of a Falafel Lord

*starting entry*

Before you stop reading, here's a couple of things that'll happen in my day to day life.
- Alex Fierro and I may or may not break up
- A war over bathroom rights
- One of my friends comes out
- A strange new einherjar
- Seriously, though, should I get a dog?

Note: Holy shit this writing was terrible at the start. Stay with me, it gets better.

MALLORY KEEN AND ALEX FIERRO. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE READING THIS. STOP IT.

STOP IT MALLORY.

I SAID STOP, ALEX.

You're so stubborn Alex. I love you. Fine, read on.

Dear diary,
Who the hell says dear diary any more? Ah crap. This is on paper. Can't hit the backspace key. Starting over.

Diary,
There will be no soppy retelling of feelings, nothing about my hollow shell of an existence, or my moral dilemmas. My name is Magnus Chase and I'm a hardcore, terrifying, undead warrior with super strength and a sword that could scare away the meanest of frost giants without even breaking the skin. I mean, Christ, have you heard his Bieber and don't get me started on Beyoncé. Needless to say, he did it so well that he could run the butchery.
I'm a hero. I've fought giants of all sizes and types, stopped Ragnarok repeatedly, managed to hold a conversation with Annabeth Chase and not screw up (she'll say otherwise, but, eh...), kiss Alex Fierro, and eat the Super Mega Jumbo Double Size Falafel pack that bloggers eat and write about. Those are a couple of my greatest achievements, just, a couple.
I died, so I have eternal youth and live is a technical paradise to the death (everything i to the death here) called Valhalla with my friends. Shut up. I do have friends. Five of them.
Mallory Keen, Halfborn Gunderson, and Thomas Jefferson Junior. And my  Terrifying Dragon, Alex Fierro. (Because some days she's a girlfriend and some days he's a boyfriend and some days they're a significant other with no gender or a demi-gender and some day zie's a significant other with all the genders. She/he/they/zie/ect. prefer my Terrifying Dragon. Ya know.)
Mallory Keen (MalloryKeen19 )'s a daughter Frigg, but we're not allowed to mention that or she hurts us with her knives. She died trying to disarm a car bomb that she set herself in a school bus. Filled with kids. Because of Loki, who disguised himself or herself as one of her friends. It's confusing. She's dating Halfborn. Some of the time. Other times she wants to kill him. And sometimes she says that he's a backwards pig. I love her anyway. Because she'd kill me if I said otherwise. And I do love her. Not like that. Like a friend.
Halfborn Gunderson is really old. Mallory calls him a sexist pig and stupid. He was born in this village called Flåm (it wasn't technically called Flåm then). He's, honestly, really stupid and really smart at the same time. He knows over twelve languages and almost forty degrees. Not heat. University degrees. He's been here for more than a thousand years, as he likes to remind us. A lot.
Thomas Jefferson Junior was a soldier in the Civil War, and the descendant of a lot of slave's. He's kind of inspiringly optimistic, and has a chunk of flint in his head that he can light fires from. Again, as he likes to remind us, he's literally flaming. Haha. I love the guy, seriously.
Alex Fierro. Her pronouns are she and her today, and I'm dating her. She's really scary, but I love her. I started a youth shelter out of my uncle's old mansion (I have a mansion.) and Alex is really great with the kids. She's a gender-fluid demigod child of Loki, but she doesn't like to be reminded of that at all. She's terrifying with a garrotte. Gods, I love her.
I also have three friends in the mortal world, Hearth and Blitz, and Sam. Blitz is a dwarf who owns a clothes store. Honestly, he's a genius. Hotel Valhalla has a whole deal with him with armour, he makes it and we pay him extra. And that problem where the arrows and swords went straight through doesn't matter. Hearth is a deaf elf. If you look up cinnamon roll, there's a picture of him. Also, if you look up child of a dysfunctional family, the same picture is there. But when he turns angry...run for the hills. They're dating, and they're so cute together.
Sam is Alex's sister. She's engaged to the guy that makes me falafels, so I do my best to stay on her good side. She's also a shapeshifting Muslim valkyrie who manages to stay on top of a relationship, school, family, and Valhalla duties, and stopping Ragnarok, and collecting dead souls. She collected my soul, and she's been fighting along side me ever since. And winning. Possibly as terrifying/even more terrifying than Alex.
I think that you know everything, that's all for now. Better start my diary.