Diary of a Falafel Lord

I FUCKiNG CALLED iT

Alex went to help Charlie, on the pretext of making sure that he looked good in case he saw someone from the human world that he'd known, and I helped the nervous wreck that had once been my best friend.
When I entered TJ's room, he was standing in his boxers with all of his clothes flung around him. His thick lashes were wet with tears, his hair going in a million directions, and his hands were shaking so fast that they were blurring. He spun as I entered, giving me a full view of his hyper-buff chest (that was miraculously hairless, even though I don't think he shaves it) and grabbed my shirt.
"Gods! TJ!" I yelped. He looked awful. "Your date's in twenty minutes!"
He slammed his fist against his bare leg. "I know!
Truth: Alex and I had been planning to ditch the lovebirds and get ice cream together, leaving them alone with their feelings and their falafel. TJ was going to kill us at first, and when he had his boyfriend he'd thank us.
I thought back to when Charlie had just arrived. He'd been obsessed with Hearth, I think he'd had a crush on our favourite deaf gay elf, and been a total scrawny nerd. If I had had to name one person as Loki's spy, I'd probably have chosen Charlie as the evil one. We'd been ready to die to have the hotel change its transphobic and homophobic policies, and Charlie had arrived in the middle of it and joined the army without question. He'd stood by us, encyclopaedia in hand, beating up warriors with TJ and Gunhilde. You had to admire his courage, even back when he'd been terrified of all of us. Now...the grumpy little emo piece of shit was about to go on a date with my steaming wreck of a best friend, and become his boyfriend and then his husband and have more kids than Hearth and Blitz, and then die hand in hand in Ragnarok together forever.
I handed TJ his white button down and pants, and his jacket. He pulled them on and half tucked the shirt into his black skinny jeans. He pulled on his jacket, black leather, covered in straps and buckles and zips and pockets. It's pretty fucking badass, Alex and I got it for his birthday. Fine. Alex chose it. But I paid for it! ...all of it. It was really, really expensive for what it is.
But every cent was worth it to see the look on TJ's face. A mixture of hope and excitement and terrified, and total perfection. The corner of his mouth turned up slightly, his brown eyes wide and fearful. His dimple was nothing more than a tiny indentation on his smooth, ebony, cheek. One of his dark curls was falling onto his forehead, resting on the smooth skin.
I was still just taller than him, so he had to look up at me. I grinned at him, and turned. "Come on. Let's go and get you that boyfriend." I said. He bumped my shoulder with his, and I nudged him back as we fought to get out the door at the same time, getting stuck and then forcing themselves out.
Alex and Charlie were waiting outside, and I joined hands with Alex the moment I saw her. She grinned at me, playing the adoring Terrifying Dragon, and I kissed her cheek. Charlie glanced at TJ, and his oddly pale cheeks blushed the palest shade of pink imaginable. TJ shrugged and stepped over to him.
"Hey." He muttered.
"Hey."
"So...how did you die?" TJ asked. Alex and I exchanged knowing grins as we all started to walk.
"I...um..." Charlie tucked his hands into his pockets, and removed them as last as they'd gone in. He straightened his shirt, and glanced at the ground. His cheeks were redder. "There were some creeps, going after a little girl. So, I, grabbed a book from the library. I was in the library and they chased her outside, that's how I saw, and, um, I smashed one of their heads in. The other dude stabbed me, but I took his eye out on the way down and the little girl ran away. You?"
"Wow. That's brave. I charged my arch enemy and was shot to pieces." TJ said. "I was just stupid."
"No, that's cool! You can't turn down a challenge, right?"
"It's a real problem." TJ flicked at the piece of metal in his forehead. Only people who know him well can tell when he's blushing, and when I saw his face I knew that he was about to explode. "You're the son of Forsetti, right?"
"Yeah. God of Justice." Charlie waved his hands around in mock splendour. "Oof. He's kind of obscure."
"Ive heard of him." TJ supplied. Truth: TJ had spent three hours looking up everything he could find about Charlie Fitzgerald and Forsetti. "Who's your mortal parent?"
"I don't know." Charlie shrugged, staring at his feet.  "I only survived because Forsetti placed me with some old friend of his - Ana. She was nice, but I left when I was 14. It wasn't fair for her to have to fight monsters every other day."
TJ whistled. "Wow. That's..."
Charlie tilted his head to the side so that TJ could see the shadow of a smile flicker across his face. "Yeah."
We stepped through the barrier and into the yoga store - Charlie got a faceful of sports bras - and were promptly kicked out by a sales woman who was muttering about needing new meds because WE WEREN'T THERE A SECOND AGO, WE WEREN'T THERE AND THEN WE WERE JUST...THERE!
Once Fadlan's Falafel was in sight, Alex squeezed my hand. "Hey, guys," she said, her voices sickly sweet. "Magnus and I are going to head across the road to Blitz's Best to see how mum and dad are doing, can you guys go get us a table and order? You know what we want."
TJ glanced at me, and then at Charlie, panicking. Charlie blew a lock of bleached hair out of his eyes and shrugged. A smile crept over his thin lips. "Say hi from me." He said, and turned on his heel. He held his arm out to TJ like they were ancient guests of a ball. "Shall we?"
TJ let out a pathetic squeak and laid his arm on top of Charlie's, walking towards the falafel place.
The second they had crossed the road, Alex pulled out her phone. "Aamir? Yeah, hi. Charlie and TJ are heading your way, send Sam here and start making a couples board. Yes. The one in the heart shape. Just say so sorry, we got the order wrong. Great. Sweet. See Sam at BB in five? Great, seat them outside." Alex hung up without saying goodbye, as was her fashion, and wheeled back to me. "Shall we, milady?" She asked. I obliged.
Sam was already in Blitz's Best by the time we got there, and she had the binoculars ready. Blitz and Hearth were both in disguises - Hearth as a tall, brunette, woman and Blitz as his stocky, fair-skinned companion. There was a considerable amount of facepaint and stuffing going on - Hearth's boobs were out of this world. Out of his blue summer dress. A hat shaded his face, which had been somehow contoured to look far softer and more feminine, and his long legs were tucked into leather ankle boots. Blitz was several inches taller than he usually was, wearing a hoodie and baggy jeans to cover I-don't-know-what. His hair had been covered by a bleached wig, and I could just see the light-skinned clay-type material wadded across his face to protect him from the sun and change its shape entirely. Chubby, white, tall, Blitz stood in front of us, beside a female Hearth that could have been a model. Sam was sitting behind them, wearing jeans, a t-shirt that said SCREW THE PATRIACHY, and her green hijab.
As we entered, Sam flashed us finger guns and smirked. Hearth tottered over and kissed both of our cheeks, his long-nailed fingers brushing out chins.
"Dahlings!" He? She? Wailed. "It's been too long!"
"Yeah, yeah." Blitz stepped forwards and shook our hands. "Kids, meet my wife Heather. I'm Bob." He said. His arm felt far too long, and strangely realistic. "Yeah, new tech in the arms and legs. No more platform lifts for me."
Sam fell out of her chair. "Platform lifts?" She spluttered. "Eighties disco Blitz, in those pants and the open shirt and suspenders and platform lifts. I'll never unsee that."
"Good to see you too, Sam." I shuddered. "Ready?"
Alex flipped us all off. "Morning, fuckers. She/her today." She said. Blitz nodded, and Hearth let out a tinkling laugh.
"That's marvellous, dahling!" He exclaimed. I shuddered. His voice was disturbingly high, like the sponsors we got for our shelter when they wanted to impress us. "Come on, Bob, let's go! I'm practically famished."
Heather/Hearth linked arms with Blitz, and they walked out of the shop. Angelique turned to blow us a kiss from his puffed up lips, and smiled sickly sweet.
Alex and I spun to Sam.
"What the fuck was that?" We asked, exactly at the same time. Sam fell off her chair laughing.
"That was Heather and Bob. I've met them a couple of times, mostly times I want to forget." She choked. "I swear to god, you two have reached OTP levels of cuteness."
Alex turned redder than her hair was green, and pulled away from me. "It's not a bad thing, sis."
Sam got up from the ground and fist-bumped both of us, and then flipped me off. "Come on, Maggie."
Alex shook her head. "We're not mean to him anymore."
Sam shrugged. "Sure. Come on, Magnus Chase. Let's go and spy on our friends and manipulate their lives, but gods forbid that we're mean."
Alex and I both snorted, glared daggers at each other, and then followed Sam out of the store hand in hand. I reached over and kissed her cheek, and she didn't jerk away.
As per our request, Aamir had sat TJ and Charlie just beside the window. Heather and Bob were sitting two tables over, and Angelique was laughing, her fake nails draped across Bob's arm and her elbow in the middle of the table as she leant in. Bob's hand snaked under the table, and our bug crackled to life. Blitz had made them so that we could spy on people, he had to click his end and the tiny chips that we could tie to our hair or wear as earring would broadcast everything. He flicked it over towards the boys, and it landed under their table.
"Should we wait for Alex and Maggie?" Charlie's voice was asking. TJ laughed under his breath.
Alex snorted. "Get up." She muttered, and turned into a horse. Sam and I climbed onto her back, Sam covered us with her hijab, and we let our faces creep over the window so that we could see what was going on. They were sitting beside one another, at the bar-type arrangement. The hands next to the other were hanging under the table, and every few seconds Charlie would twitch his hand towards TJ's, and then scuttle it away again out of fear
"No, they've probably ditched us." TJ said. The bug sprouted legs and crawled closer, scuttling up TJ's chair to rest in the best zone to pick up the voices. There was a slight crackling, and the voices resumed even louder.
"Why?" Charlie asked.
"So that we can have some alone time." TJ snorted. "It's stupid. Everything thinking we should be together." He glanced up at Charlie, picking at his falafel with his free hand. "Right?"
Charlie blushed. "Yeah. Stupid..."
"You wouldn't want to anyway, right?" TJ forced a laugh. Charlie's hand twitched closer to TJ's, then retreated. He shifted in his seat, and then glanced up at TJ. TJ stared back at him, deep into his icy-blue eyes. Charlie opened his mouth to say something, anything, and then closed it. I was dead silent, not wanting to miss anything, not blinking or even breathing.
"Charlie?" TJ whispered. My stomach dropped, my mouth was dry. "Right?"
Charlie paused again, letting the moment drag out. They stared into the others eyes. TJ bit his lip.
He broke eye contact, laughed, stuffed a falafel into his mouth. "Sorry. That was stupid. And awkward. How are you liking everyone? Floor 19's pretty fun, but Gunhilde...wow. That's a piece of work, amirite?" His voice was painfully loud, painfully bright.
"Wrong." Charlie's whisper was almost too quiet for the bug to pick it up. TJ looked up so fast that a falafel crumb shot out. He swallowed.
"What?" He asked. Charlie was bright red. He ran a hand through his short hair, and tugged the lock at the front.
"Wrong. I would...date you." He looked up again, but he didn't smile. He stared at TJ, waiting for his reply. But TJ was silent, gaping at Charlie with his mouth open. "Sorry! Sorry. I'll go now." Charlie muttered. "This has been great." He pushed his chair back, standing up to go.
TJ reached out and touched his arm. Charlie turned back. TJ smiled.
"I like you, Charlie." He said. "A lot. I like you like you."
Charlie gaped, his mouth falling open. TJ stood up, so they were standing across from on another. He touched Charlie's other arm, forming a square between their bodies. Charlie stared at him, mouth still hanging open just slightly.
TJ leant in. Charlie didn't pull away. The square was pushing in until it was just a line as their bodies met, as their mouths met. Charlie wrapped his arms around TJ's waist, and then pushed one up into his hair as they kissed.
Sam covered her mouth, and I wiped my eyes. Heather and Bob had given up on their food entirely, and Heather's mascara was running down her cheeks.
Surrounded by pigeons and food stalls, in the grimy court with the scent of falafel wrapping around them, my best friend in the worlds kissed Charlie Fitzgerald, the emo little piece of shit who had died defending a little girl from harassers, who had carried an encyclopaedia everywhere, who was the son of the god of Justice, Charlie Fitzgerald who had fallen for my best friend.
They broke apart, standing with their arms still around each other. Charlie bit his lip, and smiled. TJ laughed, a proper laugh again.
"So stupid, right?" TJ mocked.
"Not so." Charlie replied. "Let's find the others."
They stood together, arms still around each other, for a long moment, and then turned to exit - not paying. Aamir glanced up at us from behind the counter, and his eyes were puffy and wet. Sam laughed, but I was too busy staring at the fact that Charlie and TJ were holding hands.
"What's happening?" Alex asked. I shook my head.
"They have no idea."
Heather fell off her stool from crying so hard, and Bob slumped across the table. Aamir stumbled out from behind the counter, and lay on his back beside them as they wept happy tears of joy. And Charlie and TJ, walked out of the food court with their hands linked.