Diary of a Falafel Lord

Sunday

On Friday I was given my mission brief. Now, on Sunday, Agent Alex Fierro (she/her) and I are setting out to assassinate single TJ, and make sure that he is reborn as TJ in a healthy, adorable, relationship with a certain Charlie Fitzgerald secretly-gay_boi.
Okay but real talk - they are too cute around each other. I'm so calling it that Charlie likes TJ back, even though I've barely ever talked to the adorable little dude. I mean, I guess his silence is mysterious and his slim, athletic, form is appealing to some people. Maybe I was too quick in my judgement of him, especially on calling him a creepy little fuck that I would happily hurl out a window. He's actually kind of cool, ya know, I've just been harsh because I felt like he was moving in on my turf and my friends, right?
Hm. Anyway.
You know that thing where you and your crush are standing in the same room and you're staring at them and then they look up and you just have to pretend like you were moving you head past or just look away super quickly? That's all of our battles. TJ's gazing at Charlie and then Charlie looks up so TJ looks down and Charlie stares at TJ and then TJ glances up so Charlie looks down...and on and on until one of them is busy staring lovesick at the other and is obliterated. Then the living one can concentrate and bash people.
Charlie's scary. With his encyclopaedia and strong jaw and cold eyes. I've seen him march up to Gunhilde and smash her head in without batting an eyelid. So, not a creepy little fuck, but still terrifying.

"Hey bud." I marched up to TJ. "We have a battle plan. For Charlie."
TJ dropped his gun. It took a lot to disarm TJ, but the mention of Charlies name did it. Blushing, he scrambled to pick it up again. We were standing on the shooting range, almost abandoned except for Gunhilde eating a plastic rabbit down the other end of the pitch, Alex standing behind us smirking. TJ picked it up and checked all of the minute machinery, then turned back to us, faking calmness.
"Hello, Magnus. Nice to see you too." He muttered. Alex smirked and pushed me aside. I stumbled, and then regained my balance to take her hand.
"You're Magnus's best bud, right? And I'm Charlie's best bud? And Magnus and I are dating? We're all connected so we're all gonna go out for falafel on Wednesday. He's already said yes, and he's not even going to bring his encyclopaedia." Alex said, wrapping her arm around TJ's shoulders and gesturing. In true Alex Fierro style, she was wearing her pink-and-green vest with lime green jeans and huge, black boots. A shoulder bag dangled from her left arm, with some K-Pop figure grinning on it, with lyrics written in Korean spilling across the top. (BTS? that's been her latest obsession for reasons I cannot comprehend, they're not even that hot and their music isn't very good. I'm not jealous you are. Shut up.)
TJ choked and dropped the gun again. Alex leaned in so that her mouth was almost touching his ear.
"Wear the bomber jacket and black jeans, and I'll lend you these boots." She whispered.
TJ swooned.