It's Ashton Not Ashley

16.

~Luke's POV, trigger warning~

"I don't know what to tell you," Michael said to me and propped himself up on the couch, resting on one elbow.
Mom was in the kitchen preparing snacks for Michael, Tara and I. She looked over from the kitchen and nodded at me to let me know she was watching us.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I can't help you here. Ashton is his own person and he says what he wants." Michael shrugged like it was nothing.

"He said Tara was cheating on me!" I protested and I tossed my hands up in the air, pulling Tara closer to me. I watched as a smile formed on her lips.

"Well, maybe she is!" Michael argued back.
"So you're saying she's cheating on me?" I growled deeply.

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant Luke and you know it. Anyways, it was nice seeing you again, but I need to go. I have a date with Calum tonight," Michael said and stood up, fixing his shirt.

"Wait, Luke you never told me that you were friends with a gay!" Her tongue fumbled over the words like it was something illegal, rancid to say.

"Actually I'm bi-" he was interrupted with Tara shrieking. "Gays are wrong, you'll go to Hell! Right Luke? Tell him how much being gay is wrong!"
She looked at me, her blue eyes piercing mine.

I nodded slowly. "R-Right," I gulped quietly. It was almost like she hypnotized me with those blue eyes because I wouldn't have said that.

"Being gay is wrong," I said as Michael's facial structure changed shaped.
"I can't believe you'd say that," Michael said frowning, "especially since all the people around you are gay! Fuck you!" Michael shouted and showed himself to the door, letting it slam on his way out.

----

"Oh Lukey. Oh my God," Tara moaned lightly as I thrusted into her. I kissed her neck as she kept bucking her hips into mine. I let out a moan and thrusted one last time before pulling out and cumming onto her chest. I collapsed onto her chest, laying on her.

"That was so good," Tara said and kissed me. I kissed back slowly, not feeling it.

"Luke?"
She looked up at me.

"Hm?"

I looked down at her, my blue eyes meeting with hers.
"I-I love you," she said, enunciating the word to make it seem longer.

She already told me before she that she loved me, but I didn't understand why she was shaking, hesitating, almost like she needed to tell me something important when she said it.

"I love you, a lot, and I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible too."

This didn't seem too good, but at least she was going to be nice with whatever she had to say. Tara could be a real bitch at times.

"I love you, you clearly already know. But I don't love you like you think I do. I see you more as a best friend or a cousin... very close cousins. Also, I'm getting some gay vibes from you."

My eyes widened and I quickly shook my head. "I'm not gay though. Just because people around me are, doesn't mean anything."

I saw Tara looking at the fresh cuts on my wrists.

"Luke? When did you do this?"

"Doesn't matter," I replied softly. I carved the name of Ashton into my wrist deeply because he was the one who hurt me most.

She nodded. "You're right. It doesn't matter, not to me at least."

That was a lie though. It did matter, the story mattered. The whole fucking thing mattered.  I'm the reason why my mom is broken and depressed, why she hates me. I'm the reason why my dad walked out and why my brother, Ben, hasn't talked to me. I came out to my mom when I was seven. I told her subtly that I liked boys more than friends should and I wanted to kiss them. I didn't know there was a word for it until I was thirteen. I remember standing in front of the mirror repeating that word over and over. Fag. It was a powerful word for a thirteen year old to say and the way the word felt on my tongue when I said it seemed almost struggling to say. It shouldn't have hurt me as much as it did, I barely knew what that word meant. But it was my dad calling me those names and it hurt like a bitch He came home from work one day and came into my room. I was laying under Max, my first boyfriend, and we were kissing, his hand up my shirt. Maybe it was because he was fifteen and I was thirteen. Maybe it was because my dad was taken back in surprise when he saw his youngest son making out with an older boy. The first thing he said to me was that word and that was the last thing he's ever said to me right before he left. After he left, my mom turned to drinking and blamed me for being such a fuck up of a son. My brother, Jack, wasn't able to take all this and he ended up shooting himself. Of course he was the only one who actually gave a fuck about me though.  
It was so hard for a thirteen year old to cope with this and I needed something, anything, to take the pain away from my family and give it to me. After all, I deserved it. I cried to myself, the first time in a while as I drove the knife harshly against my wrist for the first time.

I try to be a good person, but that gets hard when I hang out with girls. I'm unhappy with girls, but my mom is happy I'm with them. Maybe it's so stuck up in my head that I'm not actually gay, I started to believe it. I started believing that I was straight, so yes, it fucking matters.

"Luke, I-I think we should break up," Tara says quietly, her voice turning from soft to barely a whisper. My head snapped up and I broke away from the day dream.

"What? What do you mean break up?"  I asked slowly.

"I mean that we should go separate ways. I feel bad that I cheated on you and I don't want to be another reason that you scar yourself up."

"S-So you did cheat?"

She nodded, tearing up. "I-I'm so sorry, Luke. I was with him first and I should've broke up with him before I went out with you."

My lips quivered and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, causing them to burn.
"I-I love you," I said which wasn't technically a lie. I did love Tara and she's helped me with a lot. She means a lot to me.

"I'm so sorry Luke, I didn't want to hurt you." She placed a kiss on my lips, letting it linger. She pulled away and walked out of my room, closing the door and I was left alone to bottle up my feelings once again. 

HII!!! So here is the next chapter and I'm excited because... I can't say, but I'll give you a hint. More LASHTOONNN!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter! But if anyone is reading this, please go wish @itsashduh a happy happy birthday and make Liam notice his birthday buddy. I LOVE YOU! 💕

Vote and comment what you thought and I'll see you in the next chapter. 

Word count: 1,281