It's Ashton Not Ashley

12.

*Trigger Warning!*

I held the gun up to my head and my finger touched the trigger gently.
"Ashton! What the hell are you doing?" The voice sounded familiar, but my mind was too focused on the gun that was rested against my temple. I didn't care to see who was outside the door.

The door busted open and Luke was standing there with a concerned expression. "What the hell are you doing?"

Luke seemed really far away, yet his facial expression was clear to me. "I was here for you when you needed me the most. I was there for you when you sliced your skin. Where were you when I was forced to pay my bills or when I was forced to care for myself all my life because my dad left and my mother doesn't care about me? Where were you?" Luke shouted, tears rolling down his face.

I've never seen Luke cry and it actually hurt me.

"You don't fucking care! But I care about you," Luke shouted and got in my face. "Put the gun down Ashton. Please."

"No!"

"Yes. Give it to me!"

"No! I want to die!" I shouted, tears were rolling down my face.
Luke tackled me and tried to rip the gun from my hands. But I was prying onto it like I had nothing left to lose.

"I want to die," I said as Luke ripped the gun from my hands and put it up somewhere I didn't bother reaching at the moment.

Luke held his arms open for me. I shook my head at first, but sighed and hugged him tight. "I want to die!" I cried into his chest.

----

"I want to die," I whimpered.

"Ashley, are you alright?"

I shook my head, still kind of in a space. "Do you mind if I go to the bathroom?" I asked and he nodded.

"Thanks." I ran off to the bathroom and looked around the hall. The halls were empty because class was in session. I was really hoping I was going to be alone.

I snuck into the boy's bathroom and looked around. No one was in there from what I saw and I went into the stall.

I sat down on the toilet seat quietly.

----

"Hey, I know you're in here Josh," a kid said. "Come out, you've been in here long enough."

"I see your shoes," another kid had said, pointing down at the red converse I was wearing.

"I-I'm not Josh," I said and I came out of the stall slowly.
"No you're not. You're that faggy kid. Let me ask you a question." The first kid that spoke pushed me into the wall.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" The boy smirked, an evil grin forming on his face.

"I-I'm a b-boy," I said quietly, my heartbeat picking up.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, "I'm sure."

The boy looked at the second boy and they grinned at each other. They backed in closer to me.

"How big is your dick?"

"Bigger than your ego," I mumbled. The boys stared into my eyes. Their glossy green eyes stared back into my darker ones.

I pushed away from them, not wanting to be involved with this. I'm not usually the one for fighting and I really hate being in the middle of drama.

Just before I left the bathroom, I felt a cold draft hit my legs. I looked down to see my jeans down and my boxers hanging below my waist.

"You don't have a fucking dick," the blue eyed boy said. He pushed me hard into a wall and slammed my head against the wall. "You're a fucking girl and not even attractive at that. You're honestly too fat to even be cute!" Both boys laughed and kicked me hard. "No wonder your mom left your sorry ass."

----
It's been a few hours since they beat me and kicked my head in. I shuddered at myself in the mirror of the boy's bathroom. My head was bleeding and my nose was scraped. My lip was swollen with a bit of skin off it. I stood there looking at myself and I gagged.

They were right. I was gross and ridiculously fat. I was an ugly girl and I wasn't even a boy. It was all in my head. It was all in my fucking head. I punched the wall with all my effort and ended up screaming in agonizing pain. My wrist was bleeding now and I'm pretty sure that it was broken.

I limped out to the school and saw my dad's car there. I looked down and started walking as fast as I could, hoping my dad wouldn't follow me.

----
"Ashley, get in the car. We need to talk," my dad pulled up to where I was walking.

"No thanks," I kept walking, picking my pace up.

"Ashley, it's very important."

"I don't want to talk to you though," I said and climbed into the car. Anyone who saw me would've probably freaked out. My head was busted and all of my face was bleeding. My hand was broken and limp and my waist was bruised from being kicked.

"What happened?" My dad looked at me and frowned. I should've told him that it was all from him, but I didn't.

"I just got into a little fight. Don't worry about it," I mumbled underneath my breath.

"It wasn't a little fight, who beat you up?"

I looked at my dad and broke down in tears. "I need to tell you this before you find out yourself. I-I'm not your little girl anymore. I'm your son. I have been for quite a while now and I figured you should know. That kid I was hanging out with, Luke, he got mad at me for not telling him. I'm pretty sure he told the whole school and I've been getting bullied nonstop for the last few days."

My dad looked at me with tears forming in his eyes. At that moment, I knew he cared somewhat.

He hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry baby. I should've been there for you.".

"Just stop okay?" I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I have been hurt way too many times. I pulled away from the hug and jumped out of the car quickly, slamming the door. 

"Ashley get back into the car!" My dad shouted, but I couldn't bring myself to. I ran as fast as my legs allowed back  home. I grabbed a bag at home and threw some clothes into a bag.

I wasn't coming back at all.

So here's chapter 12. I'm sorry I wasn't able to update the last few weeks. Last Thursday, I saw Harry and then this week I had so much going on. It's hard to balance work as it is. But I also need to move and I don't feel comfortable sharing why.

Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please vote and comment.

Dm me if you ever need anything. I'm here for you.

Word count: 1,189