SHOUT - Adopted by Lin Manuel Miranda

SECRET SANTA

For three days after Christmas, I sleep until 3:00 in the afternoon. On the fourth day, Lin rips the covers off my bed at 8:00 AM. He says I have to come to the theatre with him and that he doesn't want me to turn into a lazy bum who does nothing but sleep and eat junk food. Who's going to tell him?

We ride the subway to Midtown earlier than we have to because the cast wants to exchange gifts. You always hear stories about veterans whose memories are triggered by revisiting places that remind them of the war. When I walk into the Richard Rogers vomitorium, I swear I smell peanut butter. Must be a thing with bad memories. Or maybe hearing Jingle Bells a gagaillion times in the last month has busted my senses. The holidays really discombobulated me.

The cast sits in a circle around the green room. Lin fills me in on this cult ritual as Anthony hands a small wrapped box to Jasmine. Two weeks earlier, they each pulled a name out of a hat and got a gift for them. Jasmine opens the box. A charm bracelet. Boooor-ing. If I wanted to see crap like this, I would have stayed home with Vanessa to watch Hallmark movies.

Pippa gives Renee a pair of earrings. Jasmine gives Chris a bag of gummy bears. Jonathan gives Lin a ring pop as a gag proposal. Renee gives Thayne a box of cookies. Oak gives Leslie a gift card to Target. Lin gives Anthony a T-shirt with two pandas holding light sabers. I bite my nails until I'm fully declawed. I need a nap. Are all cult rituals ten hours long, like the Thankathon at Lin's parent's house? I resume my own little boredom ritual and pick at the unhealed scab on my arm.

When the gift exchange ends, Pippa sets a tin of gingerbread men on the side table. Everyone sits on the futons, gobbles Pippa's cookies, and talks about their holiday. I snarf two cookies then slunk against the back wall and pinch my scab until blood rises beneath the surface of my skin. Lin glances back at me every few moments, but he doesn't say a word.

At one point Leslie walks away from the group and pulls me aside. What could he possibly kick me out for this time? Am I breathing too loud? Is my blood too blue?

He holds out a little white box tied with a red bow. "This is for you."

I stare him down before reluctantly taking the box. Didn't think Sir Odam Jr. would be into bribes. I untie the ribbon and open the box. It's a friendship bracelet.

"A peace offering," Leslie tells me. "I made it myself."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to."

I rotate the box in my hands. The bracelet is knotted with black, orange, green, and purple yarn. It's fastened with a button. "I didn't get you anything," I say.

"I didn't expect you to. You don't seem like the type to give gifts."

He must have seen something ugly in my expression, because he shakes his head real fast. "I didn't mean it like that. Just— you need some holiday cheer."

I undo the button and stretch out the bracelet. "Thanks."

"And I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot. Didn't mean to offend you or anything."

In spite of myself, I grin. "I exactly meant to offend you guys, so we're even."

Leslie squeezes my shoulder and sits back with the group. I wait for him to jump up and tell me it was a prank, that he humiliated me in front of the cast to get back at me for being a smart-ass to William Shakespeare. I mean, John Laurens. But he doesn't do that. He grabs a cookie from the box and complements Anthony's new T-shirt.

I undo the button and wrap the bracelet around my scab to cover the blood.