SHOUT - Adopted by Lin Manuel Miranda

CODE CRACKING

Just when I think I can't bear to sit through another moment of rotting in history class and watching the clock tick, the secretary calls for me to report to her office. Good. We have five minutes left in class and I forgot to fill out the worksheet. 

The first thing I see when I walk into the office is Lin and Vanessa sitting in the waiting chairs. There is a door behind me and two windows behind the secretary's desk. I consider the option. The Secretary peers over her glasses. "Vidya, you're excused from class for your doctor's appointment."

I feel my nails sink into the skin of my palm. A follow up. I knew this was coming, but I thought I would know in advance. I need a day to sharpen my knives and practice spitting on target. I dump the History worksheet in the trash on the way out the door.

Lin tries to smile at me on the subway. I count smudges on the window behind him.

The doctor's office smells the same as it did last time: rubbing alcohol and too-strong cologne. Lin and I take a seat in the corner of the waiting room while Vanessa checks us in. I cross my feet at the ankles. Too unnatural. I spread out my knees. No. No that does not feel right. I squeeze my legs together until my thighs chaff. A little girl sitting across from me reads aloud from a picture book. Her mother scrolls through her cellphone. I hear the clock tick. I feel the doctor's rubber gloves. I taste nothing, because the air has been sucked from my throat and the nurse peeps her head out the door and calls my name and ohGodohGodohGodohGodoh--

We're led to an office. No examination tables, no sharp metal doctor weapons. I ball my hands in my sleeves when I sit in the chair between Lin and Vanessa. 

And then The Doctor walks in, with a bandage strapped over the bridge of his nose. The tag of my shirt itches the back of my neck. Lin watches me when he thinks I don't see. The Doctor sets a fat manila folder on the desk when he sits. He clasps his hands together and asks Lin and Vanessa how their day is. 

I keep my eyes on the latch of the window behind him. 

When he dares to glance at me, I flinch toward him. He leans back in his chair. I see a patch of bruise peeking out from beneath the bandage. Deep purple. I decked him harder than I thought. "So," he says. "The exam."

"Why aren't we in an exam room?" Asks Vanessa. 

"There was no need," The doctor tells her. "I felt the results are something that should be discussed in person."

Lin grips the handles of his chair. "Is everything alright with her?" 

The Doctor opens the folder and flips through a stack of papers. "For the most part, everything is normal. Vidya's height and weight are average for her age. Her blood pressure is good, so are her vitals, but—" He pulls a piece of paper from the stack and takes a deep breath as he begins to skim it. I ball my fists and prepare for gunshots. "There were some concerning things we found with the genital examination."

Vanessa tenses up. Lin looks at the floor. The doctor waves his hands. "She tested negative for gonorrhea and chlamydia. Don't worry about that. It's just—" he reaches into his desk and puts on his glasses. "She has some very serious vaginal damage."

Vanessa's eyes flash. "Vaginal damage?"

The Doctor reads from his notes. "From what we saw, the outer labia is all scar tissue. There are some deep abrasions on the lining of the inner labia and the urethra opening. There are some rips and tears around the clitoris and internal bleeding from the cervix, which is what I'm most concerned about."

"Is it dangerous for her?" Lin asks. His hands shake from gripping the sides of the chair so hard. 

"Trauma to those areas of the body could potentially be harmful, yes. The internal bleeding could cause some problems. We prescribed some medicine to fix that up. Other than that, the injuries are not exactly harmful, but I imagine it's very painful. Damage this severe is irreversible."