After All

Chapter Twenty-Six

My blood ran cold. I must have misheard him. There was no way he had just said that. "You have a what?" I choked out, frozen in place.

Ryan shifted around, his shoulders tense, as if saying the wrong thing would send us both over an emotional cliff. Though the edges of his eyes softened when he repeated, "I have a son."

I'd never sobered up faster in my entire life. I stood up abruptly, shock driving me from the bed. As I paced, the walls of the room closed in on me. Rushing past Ryan, I pulled open the glass door and burst onto the balcony. Taking deep gulps of the salty air, I steadied my hands on the railing, attempting to stop the shaking.

I felt Ryan's presence behind me, approaching slowly. He took each step cautiously as if stalking a skittish deer. I wanted to run, but I couldn't figure out if it was towards, or away from him. Everything I once knew about the world changed in an instant. I would have been less shocked if he'd told me the sky was actually orange instead of blue.

I could feel Ryan's hot breath on the back of my neck, just below my left ear. He placed his hands on my hips, his physical touch centering me. I leaned back against his chest, slowing my breaths to match his even ones. There were questions to be asked, but I wasn't sure if I wanted the answers.

Gently, Ryan turned me towards him. I forced myself to look up into his eyes. So many different emotions flashed across them, worry, hope, fear, but above all, love. I knew now that everything I believed about our break-up and what came after had been wrong. But there had always been love.

Ryan guided the two of us towards the rocking chairs. I lowered myself down, resting my head in my hands. Ryan sat across from me, the rhythmic creaking of his chair clicking like the hands of a clock. When he finally stopped, I knew it was time to talk. I just didn't know where to start.

"He turned five last month," Ryan began, as if reading my mind. "His name is Jack."

My brain spun as I tried to do the math. Had I been right all along about Ryan cheating on me, but wrong about the timeline? "Who, when?" I sputtered, no longer caring if I made any sense or not.

Letting out a deep sigh, Ryan raked his fingers through his hair furiously, leaving it wild and mussed in its wake. "The first weekend I got back to Jersey at the end of our freshman year," he began, "a girl showed up at my parents' house. It took me a moment to recognize her. It wasn't until she introduced herself as Brianna that I finally remembered her from a graduation party I'd been to that August before we all headed to school. I don't remember most of that night; I was pretty drunk. But I did know I had sex with Brianna in the downstairs laundry room." He hung his head down, shameful. "Trust me, it was not my finest moment. I didn't even know her last name." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "Everything in my life was going well. I was happy at school, totally in love with you, and then my forgettable one-night stand showed up on my doorstep with a baby in her arms, saying it was mine."

I reached out and entwined my fingers with his, squeezing his hand gently so he knew I was there for him. My reaction was surprising. When it came to Ryan, I almost always flew off the handle immediately, calming down later when all the facts had been presented. But since this was brand new territory, I was taking my time to process it. "Had she told you she was pregnant?"

He shook his head. "No. Jack was a few weeks old already when I first saw him."

"What made her wait so long? You had a right to know."