timidity 》yuwin

1.

Sicheng's pov:
Eyes closed, hand travelling up and down, right and left trying to find the phone which should be somewhere in the bed. Did it fall again? I give up and finally open my eyes. When they adjust to bright light of the day I look at the clock hanging on the wall. 10:23. Fuck. Why am I like that? Half of my life I spend on sleeping. And other half on blaming myself for being such an idiot. I'm an idiot, who is dumb enough to run towards my apartment like crazy every time I realise he's coming back home, or just going to throw out trash. I'm dumb enough to hide myself behind the door trying to eavesdrop conversations he has with his friends, while he walks them out. I'm dumb enough to get nervous every fucking time I see him through the window. Am I a middle schooler or what? How stupid.

And there we go again. I hear the door of his apartment cracking open.

"Yeah yeah, but don't forget your  promise" familiar, friendly-sounding voice says.
"Nah" other boy replies "gotta go"

I recognize who the other boy is. Doyoung. I'm actually both amazed and creeped out by myself. What level of stalking is it when I'm able to identify voices of my crush's friends, while I never talked to any of them? I didn't even talk to him. Not even once. Though he's my neighbour. I started living here about a month ago. I must admit that it is a torture. Living next to my crush I mean. Observing him from afar is pleasuring, and living so close gives me a lot of chances to do that. But also there are a lot of stressful (at least for me) situations such as... passing by. I never know what to do when I meet him walking along the corridor. Should I say hi? Or just smile? I probably should do one of these, or both but somehow I find myself standing like I'm frozen when he is nearby. It drives me nuts, but I neither can move, nor say a word to my crush.

His name is Yuta and he's not much older than me. Honestly I dont even know his age. Never talked before. My sister did tho. Again - how stupid. The whole situation is just so stupid.

One day my father said that he's planning to move away to Europe with his new girlfriend." Well whatever. I don't care about him. It's good as long as I'm not going there with him" I thought. But then I was informed that I'm going somewhere different instead. Fuck my life. Why my sister must do this to me? Just why? Saying she's gonna finally live with her korean boyfriend being all happy. "You will go with me. I can't let you stay in Korea where you don't have any family" - I heard. "I will take care of you. Everything will be fine" - another golden qoute of hers. And what actually happend? She indeed moved to Korea, and started living with her boyfriend. But surprisingly he wasn't  very happy about a little brother she dragged with herself.  And then I heard it will be good for me to try living alone - I will learn how to be independent and responsible. Great. Nothing better I could have imagined to happen in my life. Living alone is cool of course. There is no one complaining about mess in my room. No one nagging at me to help with this or that. No one dragging me out of my bed in the morning. But if I was given a choice, I would still want to stay in China. Sis tries really hard to be good to me, so she visits frequently, as she has a lot of free time. She brings food with her. She sits in my living room talking about how her darling said that they will go on a trip next weekend. She glares at me with a devil smile saying that she will arrange a date for me with a daughter of the hairdresser she goes to. Is that really being good to me? I think she's just so annoying. But even if she suddenly took me from China (where I left all my friends) to Korea (where I know literally no one) she's still my sister and I love her. And I can see that she puts extra effort to make me feel better.

But however I think of what happend yesterday, it is still difficult for me to accept.

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This chapter originally was 2x longer so I decided to make 2 different chapters out of what I wrote, and as a result I struggled a lot bc I didn't know how to end this part. So yeah I know ending is shitty. Sorry and hope you liked it so far.
~noebedre