timidity 》yuwin

2.

However I think of what happend yesterday, it is still difficult for me to accept.

Jia Lien barged into my room like she always used to do. She was so hyped up that I started getting curious about what could have made her this way. I didn't ask a thing, because I knew she won't make me wait long for an explanation.
"Sicheng this boy next door is the most adorable person I have ever seen! Except you of course. But why didn't you tell me about him? He seems to be very nice too! When I talked to him, he answered politely and his smile was sooo charming!!!" She yelled with excitement.
"What?! Slow down sis! Did you just say that you talked to yuta?"
"Oh yes and you know, he said that..."

I didn't even try to pretend that I was listening to her babbling. She talked to him and I didn't. That was the only important thing at that moment.

I'm so stupid.

Of course she talked to him. Talking is a basic skill. It's necessary for human beings to communicate. It's normal for everyone. It's a trivial thing. So what if she talked to him? No big deal. It's nothing special. She just let some words out of her mouth, and so Yuta did. Yuta. My crush. How happy would I become if Yuta would let some words out of his mouth not to my sister, but to me myself? I would be jumping for joy for hours, if that would ever happen. But it didn't happen for a month that I'm living here. Why? Because I'm a dumbass, who is panicking every fucking time Yuta is near. I'm the one to be blamed for not having any conversations with Yuta in past weeks, and I know it very well. That is making it even worse. Because that is making me hate myself for acting like a little girl around Yuta. I'm aware that what I'm doing is just unreasonable. But I'm afraid. I'm so afraid that something will go wrong. I always was shy, but never this shy. I'm just okay with other people: a bit quiet at the begging and very careful with words. Generally making friends slowly. But still talking to people. Making eye contact. Laughing. Getting to know them. Becoming friends. It's how it normally goes. But with Yuta it's different. Every time I try I just can't. I stop myself from opening my mouth, and go back to my flat as fast as I can. And then I usually sit in one place staring blankly at a wall regretting everything. And it goes over and over again...
I'm startled when phone suddenly starts to buzz. Oh so it was under the bed. I look at the screen. Video call again??? Jesus why can't she message me like normal people do?
"Heyyy boy! you are looking like you just woke up. Don't tell me you still haven't got up! Sicheng! It's almost 10:30! " sis rebukes me.
"No no" I shake my head " It's not like that! I was... thinking about something"
"Then you must have been lost deeeeep in thought I guess" she teases me.
"Nah I was just wondering what to eat for dinner today"

Not even minute of talking and two lies already. Impressive.

"Then problem is solved! Your gorgeous sister is taking you out for some sushi!!! I'm buying of course. So prepare yourself, and dress well because it's a nice restaurant you know" she exclaimes.
"Really? I don't feel like going out tho. I will just cook something simple..." I reply, but she doesn't let me finish my sentence.
" Ah ah no no. It's not a matter to discuss. It's already decided. I will pick you up at 2, OK? "
"I guess I have to say yes then. If I don't you will force me to go anyway"
"See? You know your sis best"
"Um yeahhh. Better to agree myself than watch you making a fuss about it like you did last time when I didn't want to go to Disneyland" I laugh.
"You really are blessed with a sister like me right? Haha. Taking you to Disneyland and expensive restaurants. I guess I'm truly the best. And yet, you're opposing. What a weirdo" she titters.
"Yup yup... I am hanging up!"
"Oh so quick? See you at 2! Don't forget about it"
"I won't. And next time insted of video call send me a message please. Bye"
"Love you bye"
*Beep*

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WTF is this
I don't know

Anyway

If you are reading, leave a comment, or something, so I know that you actually exsit.
~noebedre