yeet ~ tobyonthetele and kryozgaming oneshots

voicemail // kradio

toby

trigger warning: suicide and overdose

i was in the middle of a stream when my phone went off, i guess i'd forgotten to turn my ringer off. i went to the evac sight in "escape from tarkov" then proceeded to check my notification. it was a twitter notification from john: "thanks for all the support on the recent vids. i might have to take a break for a week or two because i've been feeling drained and stuff lately. i'm sorry and thank you for understanding. love you guys <3"

    i reread the tweet and checked my chat, a few people had mentioned john's strange tweet. i shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, "i don't know guys, he didn't say anything to anybody that i know of. no matter what though, we'll all support him. i'll check on him later," i said, responding to a few of the questions in chat.

    i continued to get questions about it for a while, i always gave the same answer: "i'm not sure. i'll support him no matter what and i'm here for him if he needs me." of course, that last part sparked up some "kradio" comments but i didn't mind. john and i had always been pretty close, people had always had their suspicions about us being more than friends, but honestly our friendship was exactly that; a friendship, nothing more.

    i streamed for about another hour before ending it and calling john to check up on him. it rang 1...2...3...4...5 times before i got sent to john's stupid customized voicemail message that would normally bring a smile to my face but at this moment in time, it was only worrying me. i shook my head, deciding to text him instead of calling again.

    "hey john, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing :) just text me whenever you can"

    i sat on my bed nervously bobbing my leg up and down as i scrolled through my twitter timeline. i waited for a response for about 25 minutes before finally giving in to the sinking feeling in my stomach and heading over to check on him in person. i threw a change of clothes and everything else i would need in case he wanted me to stay the night and got in my car.

i got the chills as i sat down, turning the key in the ignition and heading over to john's place. upon arrival, i noticed that all the lights were off which was strange because in the three years that i'd known john, he'd never been one to care much about saving electricity. i shook it off and got out of my car, heading to the door. i hesitated before knocking, i'm not sure why but going over there just felt different than usual.

i knocked four times, waited thirty seconds, knocked another four times, waited a minute, knocked five times and a bit louder, waited a minute, and then really started to panic. i pulled my phone out, picking john's name out of my recent contacts and hitting the call button. my hands shook as i placed the phone to my ear. 1...2...3...4...5... then voicemail.

i took a deep breath, calling cam instead, hoping he'd maybe heard from john. cam answered on the second ring and i poured out my concern for our friend instantly. cam then told me he had a key to john's place from a while back when cam was helping john get settled in new zealand. cam offered to come over to john's house and let me inside to which i gladly thanked him and hung up.

i sat on john's front steps, nervously running my hand through my hair as i sent multiple texts and even called his phone a few more times. every "hey borther, sorry i don't wanna talk right now..." sent me into a deeper state of panic. i started to pace up and down his front walkway, just waiting for cam to arrive.

after what seemed like forever, cam's car pulled into the driveway. he hopped out and ran over to me, pulling me into a comforting hug, and handing me the keys. i pulled away from him and rushed to the front door, fumbling with the lock for at least a minute before finally getting the door open.

i rushed inside, calling his name as i tossed my bag over to the couch. i ran up the stairs, flicking all of the light switches that i passed to the "on" position. the pitch black upstairs gave my stomach a run for its money as i dashed to john's bedroom door. i knocked twice before swinging it open.

john was sprawled out on the floor; pill bottle in hand and a few pills scattered around him. i screamed in terror as i ran over to him, falling to my knees beside him. i heard cam's heavy footsteps racing up the stairs seconds later, as he reached the doorway, his facial expression changed completely and he whipped his phone out of his pocket, quickly dialing an emergency number.

i lifted john's head slightly, placing it on my knee as the sight of his lifeless body threw me into a sobbing fit. i heard cam leave the room and i took the opportunity to place a kiss to john's forehead. "i'm so sorry, john. i didn't know," i said between sobs. a few moments later, cam returned with a few tears trickling down his cheeks.

he kneeled on the opposite side of john, placing his finger to his pulse. he shook his head and stood up before angrily slamming his fist into the wall, "why didn't i know?!" he screamed at nobody in particular before breaking down completely. a few moments later, i started to hear sirens and instantly, i broke down as well as i came to the realization that this was all happening and it wasn't a dream. one of my closest friends might have just committed suicide and i don't even know why. had i really been so selfish that i didn't even notice he was struggling?

    cam came back up the stairs, trailed by two paramedics. they asked me to leave the room and insisted that they would do all they could to save him. i hesitantly left, crying uncontrollably as i did so. i looked back at john once more before leaving, when out of nowhere, a pink sticky note on john's desk caught my eye.

    i quickly ran to the corner of his room, ignoring the upset paramedics, grabbing the sticky note, and heading back out to the hallway with cam. he looked at me, then down at the note, then back at me again. i took his signal, reluctantly beginning to read the pink post- it note. "dear, toby," i wasn't even able to get any further, i lost it.

    i collapsed to my knees on the floor, pounding my fist angrily into the carpet. how had i been so dumb? i let the tears fall in a flurry from my eyes as i fell fully to the floor, muffling my sobs with the carpet. cam rubbed my back, trying to console me but i was inconsolable. it seemed like i'd been crying forever when two paramedics ran up the stairs, a sheet draped over each of their backs.

after a few minutes, they came back out and i watched closely as they carried john out of his room on the sheet. i looked at his pale face; his once smooth, pink lips were now a whiter color and his usually stunning features were now extremely dull. the paramedic shook his head at me as they pulled a white sheet over him and began leading him down the stairs.

    i was so in shock that i couldn't even continue to cry. all of my hopes and dreams that john and i would have a future were tossed away because i'd been so selfish. it was my fault that john was gone and there was no way to bring him back...

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it's been a year exactly since that day. it seemed like it happened just yesterday; endless tears and a broken heart. not a day has passed where i don't think of him, not a day has passed where i don't feel responsible. not a day has passed where i don't look at the note he'd written me.

not a single day has passed where i don't call john's number, just to hear his stupid voicemail message... one more time.