yeet ~ tobyonthetele and kryozgaming oneshots

gone // kradio

john

after she died, i was a mess. i didn't eat for weeks at a time. i stayed in my room with the lights off at all times and i completely left the internet. some days were worse than others, tears would pour for hours on end; loud sobs echoing off of my bedroom walls. every once in a while my roommates would try to get me to leave the house but i would refuse, the outside world seemed far too dangerous to me.

the only person in the entire world that i felt like i could talk to was toby. he was always there for me, he genuinely cared and he always seemed like he understood. he'd called me the day after she was killed just to give his condolences and to remind me that he loved and cared about me. he'd even flown across the planet to be here with me for her funeral.

he would text me "good morning :)" every morning and "goodnight :)" every night. he'd call at least once a day to try and get me to eat and take care of myself. sometimes, during our little calls i would just pour my heart out to him and he always knew just what to say.

    although toby couldn't bring her back, he made her being gone a little easier. i was confident that if toby hadn't been here for me, i would be gone too. i was sure that he'd saved my life and i thanked him often for everything he'd done for me. although he never accepted my gratitude easily- he would argue that i didn't need to thank him because he was just looking out for me like any good friend would- i would still let him know how much i appreciated everything.

every once in a while, i would let him talk me into playing something with him on his stream, the first one was pretty awkward. after all, i had disappeared from the internet for two months with nothing more than an "ill be taking a break, got some personal stuff going on" tweet to let them all know. but after i'd answered a few questions, the chat welcomed me with open arms back into the world that i'd become so distant from in just a few months.

i started tweeting every once in a while and i even started uploading videos here and there. they weren't my best work but they were something and the viewers seemed to enjoy them even though all of the footage was stuff they'd already seen from the other guys. every time i uploaded, toby would call me shortly after and tell me that he was proud of me.

one night in one of our calls, he brought up how pax west was coming up soon. he brought up the idea of him coming to washington to visit and to go the convention together. the idea of seeing friends and fans that i've been ignoring or that i practically disappeared on really scared me. however, the excitement of being able to hang out with toby again outweighed the fear and i agreed to go.

the day that toby arrived was two days before the actual event so we had some time to hang out. his bright smile and breathtaking blue eyes could hold me in a trance for hours. he stayed at my house for the two days before the event and he planned to stay again for a few days afterwards. since the last time we'd seen each other was the week of her funeral, it was a bit awkward at first but once we'd warmed up to each other again we were basically inseparable.

the night before the first day of pax, i got extremely nervous and couldn't sleep. i ended up balling up under my covers and crying, thinking of my best friend. it had been seven months since she'd been killed but it never got easier for me. toby helped tremendously with everything but sometimes i just didn't know how to get my mind off of her.

a few minutes after i'd broken into tears, toby opened my door gently. "hey, it's okay. i'm here, you're not alone," he whispered quietly into the darkness. i didn't say anything back, i just peeked my head out from under the covers and watched him as he shut the door behind him. he walked over to my bed and cuddled up next to me. he wrapped his arms around me and placed a soft kiss to my forehead.

i felt my face heat up but toby only giggled and called me "cute". even in the dark room, i could make out his features perfectly. i had done my best to study them, making sure to never forget them as i had managed to do with her. his pink cheeks, blue eyes, charming smile, and adorable giggle were things i knew there was no way i'd ever forget.

being in his arms the next morning made me scared at first, i hadn't moved at all. i stayed cuddled into him the entire night and i liked the thought of that. was i into him like that? "good morning," the boy that happened to be the center of my thoughts spoke in his raspy morning voice. i smiled, "good morning." we stayed there and talked for a while, yet we never moved from the position we were in.

we talked about what we planned to do at the event, including what i'd say if a fan asked what happened to make me take that long break. i confessed that i was terrified to be around all those people to which toby responded with, "i'll be there with you the whole time. i promise nothing will happen and nobody will make you uncomfortable okay? i won't let them."

it was crazy how much a single person's words could impact my life. his soothing voice, his dumb radio voice he would do often, and his laugh had saved my life and that was insane to me. he'd brought me back to what i enjoyed doing and he encouraged me to continue.

once we arrived at the event, my stomach dropped, i was terrified. toby and i stepped out of the uber and started to walk up to the convention center. i dragged my feet behind me as toby walked confidently a few paces ahead. eventually, he turned around and saw me slowly stumbling behind him. "hey... john, it's okay. do you remember what i promised you?" i nodded my head but stayed quiet, of course i did; it was the only thing that got me here in the first place.

i caught up with him and we stepped into the venue together. there were people everywhere, at every booth, covering every inch of the building. i watched as people ran up to other people with papers and sharpies in hand. suddenly, toby linked our hands so he didn't lose me as i followed him through crowds.

"toby? john?" i heard a small voice ask in our direction. my heart dropped, we'd already been recognized. toby and i turned around slowly to see a young girl looking up at us. we unlinked our hands in a panicked state, "kradio is cannon," she giggled, jokingly. toby and i both smiled as she asked for a picture and autographs. "i hope everything's going better john, we miss you but take as much time as you need," she said with a smile as she hugged me.

    "i don't wanna say i told you so but i kinda did tell you... they love you john, nobody is gonna be upset with you," toby said, looking directly into my eyes. had we not been surrounded by dozens of people, i might've kissed him. instead, i just linked our hands and lead the way around the big venue, running into fans every now and then. we would take pictures, sign some stuff for them, and just have conversations. thankfully, nobody asked about what happened because i wasn't completely sure how i'd answer.

    "that was a lot better than i expected," i admitted as i unlocked the door to my house. "i'm glad you had a good time," toby smiled. once we were inside, we split up; toby went to the kitchen to get snacks and i went to my room to get changed into something a bit comfier.

    after we'd both changed, i grabbed the snacks toby picked and we headed to my room. i crawled into bed, toby followed close behind. we pulled the covers over us as toby's warm arms wrapped around me, sending chills down my back and heat to my cheeks. "you can pick w- what we watch," i stuttered, handing him the remote. he giggled, playfully taking the remote and scrolling through movies.

    "thank you, toby," i said randomly. "for what?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "for being here," i responded, turning around to face him. "i'm very sure that you saved my life and i can never repay you for that," i continued, feeling his arms tighten around me. a small smile formed on his lips as he pulled me closer to him.

    "no, thank you for being here," he responded, his smile widening. "what?" i asked, confused. "otherwise, i wouldn't be able to do this," he leaned in ever so slightly, placing his lips to mine as he ran his hand up my back and through my hair. i smiled into the surprise kiss, moving my hand to rest on his hip as our lips quickly found a rhythm.

    the boy who had been my only escape for the past seven months, would also be my partner for the rest of my life. no matter what label we held, we knew we'd always have each other.