yeet ~ tobyonthetele and kryozgaming oneshots

one night // kradio

(a/n: this: ' shows thoughts since i can't italicize on my phone smh)

toby

    "it was just one night," i said, causing cam to let out a soft chuckle. "have you talked since?" he asked, a small smirk on his face as he sipped his coffee generously. i shook my head in response, beginning to fiddle with my hands as i broke eye contact with him.

    "tobes..." cam started, "you have to talk to him about it." the thought of even bringing it up gave me anxiety and i could feel my heart beat speeding up a bit. "was it a mistake?" he interrogated, looking at me intensely. i thought about his question for a moment, unsure of how i wanted to respond.

    i didn't think what had happened was a mistake at all but if i said that it wasn't, cam would know how i actually felt about john. i shrugged my shoulders, "i don't know." cam shook his head, looking away from me and into his coffee cup. "you don't have to lie, toby," he finally responded.

    i didn't say anything after that, i just got lost in my own thoughts. 'what if john doesn't feel the same way?' 'what if that's why he hasn't talked to me since?' "toby, you have to talk to him about it," cam spoke up, most likely sensing my panicked thoughts.

    "where would i even start? it happened two weeks ago and neither of us have said a word to each other since. if that isn't saying something, i don't know what ever will," i said sadly before standing up and excusing myself to the bathroom.

    i set my hands on the sink and stared into the mirror as negative thoughts began to course through my brain again. 'he doesn't feel the same way and he never will.' 'why would you sleep with your best friend?' 'you're fucking stupid if you honestly believed that he'd ever feel the same.' 'john's too good for you.'

    i slammed my fist angrily against the sink as i stared at myself. tears fell from my bloodshot eyes, causing little puddles to form in my deep bags. i hadn't slept well since that night. i'd been skipping recording sessions just to avoid him and i'd ignored every text from all of my friends besides cam.

    my life was becoming a blur. between my dull streams and sparse instagram posts and tweets, everybody knew that something was up, they just didn't know what. "toby..." cam said gently through the bathroom door, "let's go talk to him." i didn't respond to him. instead, i backed up against the wall and slid down it, pulling my knees up and resting my head on them, just wanting to disappear.

    i wasn't ready to talk to him yet. i was still in shock that what had happened, happened. "toby please..." cam begged through the door. 'you'll never know how he feels if you don't talk to him.' the thought of seeing john's pretty blue- green eyes was almost enough to to get me to go.

    "toby c'mon, i'm sure he's feeling as torn up about this as you are," cam said, "let's just go talk to him, i'll be there if you need me." cam spoke gently and with care. i let out a deep breath and wiped my eyes on my knees before standing up and hesitantly unlocking the bathroom door.

    cam smiled when he saw me and he pulled me in for a gentle hug. "thank you, now let's go talk to him," he whispered softly into my ear as he ran his hand up my back to calm me. i nodded, "let's do it."

    when i sat down in cam's car, regret and fear instantly hit me like a truck. 'what are you doing?' 'he doesn't care about you.' 'you're only bothering him.' he only thinks of it as a mistake.' 'you're nothing to him.'

    i only noticed that i was crying when cam handed me a napkin from the console in his car with a weak smile on his face. "toby, you'll be fine. i'll be right here." i inhaled deeply, thinking about everything that lead up to what had ended up happening that night.

    i remembered the feeling of john's lips on mine as his hands roamed up my shirt, causing butterflies to reappear in my stomach just as they'd done that very night. within a few minutes, john's house came into view. "you'll be okay," cam assured me as he noticed my heavy breathing, "just be honest with him."

    cam turned the car off as he parked in front of john's house. the second the headlights turned off, i felt my heart sink. 'there's no getting out of this.' i ran my hand through my hair before wiping the tears out of my tired eyes. "you've got this," cam smiled reassuringly.

i hesitantly reached for the door and stepped out onto the front lawn with a deep breath. i looked up at john's bedroom window, his warm purple lighting seemed to have a strange calming effect on me as i took more confident steps to his front door. once i'd reached it though, i had no idea what to do or what i was gonna say.

i looked back at cam's car to find him giving me a shooing motion and a death glare. i turned around where i was faced yet again by john's currently intimidating front door. i closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before knocking- almost so quietly that i wasn't sure whether or not he'd hear me.

after what seemed like forever, the doorknob began to jiggle and the sound of a lock being fumbled with sent my panic levels through the roof. my heart raced, violently pounding in my ears as my fingertips grew numb and my vision got blurry. the door slowly opened to reveal a blurry figure.

i could just barely make out john's bleach blonde locks before he spoke, "what are you doing here, toby?" his words seemed rude but his voice was distant and his tone was soft. i sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes, temporarily clearing my vision. "we need to talk," i responded, trying my best to sound confident but to no avail as my voice shook uncontrollably anyways.

john shook his head, "what is there to talk about, toby?" he stared at me blankly as if he genuinely had no clue what i was talking about. "we haven't talked since... it... happened and it's killing me inside, john ," i responded, a bit of strain in my voice as i tried to be honest with him.

john nodded and backed up, motioning for me to come in. i walked ahead of him and took a seat on his couch awkwardly before i spoke, pouring my heart out to him, "if you don't wanna be anything, that's fine, i understand," i started weakly, "but just please tell me that then, i don't wanna wait for something that might never happen."

the couch dipped beside me as john took a seat, "i don't know what i want, toby," john said, looking over at me with the same look in his eyes he had that night. "i don't like pretending it didn't happen, john," i admitted, looking away to break our intimate stare.

out of the corner of my eye, i watched him turn his body towards me with a small grin. i bit my lip, trying to fight the sudden temptation to connect our lips. "toby," john began confidently, "i don't like it either but i didn't know how you felt. i know it was your first and stuff, i didn't wanna scare you away," john said as he breathed in deeply.

he moved his hand slightly so it rested on my thigh, causing my breath to hitch. a satisfied smile appeared on john's face as i turned to look at him again. his pretty eyes and charming smile brought butterflies to my stomach.

before i even knew what i was doing, my lips were on john's and his hand squeezed my thigh gently. all of my worries dissipated into the kiss, every unsure feeling was gone. and although i enjoyed every second of it, i knew it wasn't right. i reluctantly pulled away causing a confused look to appear on john's face,

"what are we, john? i don't wanna play this dumb game," i questioned as john moved his hand off of my thigh slowly. "i don't know... i just want you," john confidently responded. and with that, i leaned in and locked our lips again without a second thought. john instantly kissed back, running one of his hands through my hair as i felt myself smile into the kiss.