Shy rays of sunlight brushing against a red brick wall; a shivering bird curled up on a bench; autumn leaves crackling under your feet, reminding you of gleeful childhood memories, back to the times where you could carefreely jump upon this natural carpet and laugh to its creaky sound; you sought comfort in the tiniest details of 5am New York.
You wouldn't usually find yourself awake at such time, but an unforeseen emergency call from Tony Stark had pulled you out of bed right away, blowing off any specks of slumber that could've attempted resistance by clinging unto your eyelids. Falling back into Morpheus's arms indeed was not an option: from Tony's seemingly tired voice, you learnt that Steve had got hurt once again, and even though the genius billionaire had assured you it was nothing worth worrying about, you couldn't bear the idea of leaving the golden-hearted young man alone in this state, especially since Tony had taken the time to ring you up. Steve might need more help that he was willing to admit to his Avengers friends.
You strode past familiar buildings, all the way to Steve's neighbourhood, a place you had grown to know like the back of your hand. Each time your eyes would set on the reddish brick façades and outside staircases of Brooklyn, your imagination would swoop over the picturesque streets, trying to convert them into an older image brought back to life right out of the dog-eared corners of a picture frame. You would picture Steve's thin frame among pedestrians, Bucky's ghost arm wrapped around his shoulders; the taller boy would smile at his pouts, reprimanding him for something careless they both knew would be attempted again. But they'd be gone in the blink of an eye, only coming back to life during Steve's stories, and you couldn't ever fully catch the time Steve left behind in the palm of your hand.
It didn't took long for you to reach the apartment and you quietly pushed the door open, the blond having given you a copy of his keys. In case you need somewhere to go, he had said and given you a mild, worn-out smile. How many times did he need a place but had nowhere to go?
You came in, making as little sound as possible, and left your coat and shoes in the hallway to the scuffed melody of your footsteps. A trail of light was spreading across the floor, up to your feet, its origin arising from the living room whose door you knocked on.
"Steve, can I come in?"
"Y/n?" Despite the sound of the wooden floor screeching a little under your weight, you could hear Steve's voice wobble. "Yes, of course."
You stepped inside the room, where the warm light of a small lamp was falling on the soldier. He was sitting down on the sofa, one hand pressed again the right side of his stomach and the other one helping him maintain his posture. Your heart twisted at the sight of his scraped body, the splashes of red digging through his skin, the faded green stains smirching his torso, the blue foam under his eyes. All signs of combat that would heal by daylight, but were now uncovered.
"Tony called me," you explained softly, taking a seat next to him. "He said you got injured. How do you feel?"
"You came," was all the young man could say at first, his gaze travelling from your pupils to your lips, then your cheeks, your nose, your moles, as if he wanted to capture every detail of your face. "I, I'm okay, how are you? I'm sorry, it's early, I told Tony not to call..."
Something about the fluttering shifting of his gaze, the cadence of his words stumbling upon one another, made you want to lift his entire world upon your shoulders so it would be less crushing for him to carry on his own.
"It's nothing, I assure you." His eyes were the colour of heavy rain, something beautifully, subtly forlorn in spite of the usual strength they reflected. "It shouldn't be about me. I couldn't leave you alone," you asserted heartily.
"I often made it on my own." You caught the twinkle of a quick smile on his lips. "You know, after my mom died, Bucky offered me to stay at his place," he added after a silent pause, unexpectedly opening up. It felt like Steve needed to spill some things out — it must have been a particularly draining mission. "He said we could put the cushions on the floor, like when we were kids, and I said that I could get by on my own. But he," his voice quivered. "He said I didn't have to."
"He was right." You caressed his arm, sharply moved by his palpable gush of emotions and wishing that the physical contact could take part of his pain away.
"Y/n..." Your name broke at the tip of Steve's tongue, the last syllable briskly cut off by puff. Then he started crying really hard.
It was sudden, loud, ugly crying, and the young man's shoulders trembled in a violent gust as he spasmodically gasped for air through gritted teeth, trying to fight still, against his own self. You immediately reached to take him in your arms, following the instant leap of your instinct, and held him closes, willing to give him everything you had.
"I miss him," Steve managed to choke out, clutching your jumper as if not to fall apart. "I'm sorry... I," he stammered through the watery tightness of his throat. "I love you, and I loved him, and he died, and if anything happened to you..." he could barely finish. "Peggy said it wasn't my fault, but if it wasn't for me, he never would've fallen off that train..."
"But if you weren't for you you, Hydra would've never been stopped either," you murmured, pressing your lips against his temple, burying your nose into his hair. "Steve, you saved us all. Bucky and Peggy would've been insanely proud of you. I am insanely proud of you."
As you spoke, the Captain's grip loosened up a little, his breathing progressively turning into deep gulps rather than quick sobs, though the fragile, fresh paths that tears had left on his cheeks had not yet dried.
"I don't want anything bad to happen to you," he whispered, voice gravelly, without letting go of you,. "Please, don't go."
"I won't," you promised, stroking his hair with the hand that wasn't wrapped around his waist, trying to bring him if only an ounce of appeasement. If only he could sense how deeply you meant those words, how endlessly you cared about his damaged mind. "You still have me."
You remained in each other's arms for long minutes, Steve listening to your heartbeats to soothe him down, you holding him like the world was coming to an end.
"I'm sorry," he quietly said after a while. "You came all the way here and all I did was telling you how much I miss my old friends," he carefully drifted away from the embrace to face you, wiping his swollen eyes with the back of his hands."I love you, Y/n. I wish there was a way I could disconnect from the past, but the truth is, I can't. Not yet... If ever."
"You don't have to." He could always count on your truthfulness and comprehension. "Your past is a part of you, and you don't have to hold it back. You can miss Bucky, Peggy, Howard, and everyone you told me about. They were important to you, and that's important to me because I love you too, Steve. Besides, I love your 40s stories, remember?" you gave him a small smile, softly drawing invisible lines on his moist, rose-tinged cheeks with your thumb.
"Yes, I do," the blond young man tried smiling back, putting his hand over yours as he leant into it. His eyes were still red, and he still sniffled messily, and you were so in love with him. "Thank you. Thank you for always being there. For... Y/n, in all of time and space, there isn't anyone else I'd rather be with but you. I'm sorry for all of this, I... Sometimes it gets out. I think the mission triggered some things that had been buried for too long. But... If you're still willing to, do you want to get some rest and stay over?" he asked tentatively, paying close attention to your reactions to try and make up for his outburst.
"Only on the condition that you get some rest too," you tilted your head to indicate the sofa you were on, taking his hand in yours. "Cuddles?"
Steve's face lightened up slightly, sadness turning into fondness for a split second, and he nodded, leaving a gentle, long kiss on your cheek. In this moment, you knew that you would never leave Steve Rogers.
