Moments Before

Noah

  "Nothing. I'm just not feeling great. Didn't know I was going to have to chase you in laps around the school." Her tone is pissed and I like that she challenges me. Dares to call me on my bullshit and bad behavior. 

  "I'm sorry. I-" I cut myself off because I notice some scrawny kid staring at her chest where her shirt was hanging lower than normal. I hate having an audience so I tell them to scram. The few people who linger I glare down and tell them to leave in a ruder way. I'm annoyed that they are there but I don't want to scare her. She's staring into my eyes with her deep blue eyes. There's so much sadness hidden underneath that thin veneer of happy.  "I'm sorry I was being a dick. I'm weird." I decide to leave it at that. Her right eyebrow lifts and a smirk flits onto her face. 

"Pretty sure between the two of us I'm the weird one. Need I remind you of your truck?" She answered. I guess she has a point. I chuckle and she snorts. Than my slow processing brain catches up. I'm touching her right now, her hands are holding onto my biceps in a death grip and after delicately moving some strands of hair out of her face my hand lingers on her waist in case she falls again. I guess if I'm being honest I also like how we are close enough that I can smell her candy lotion. "We're touching now." It's a statement but she also knows it's a question. 

"Yeah. Um- okay, I'm not going to explain why but here's the thing. Contact is fine as long as it's not skin on skin. Right now I'm touching your jacket not your arms. When you moved my hair you didn't touch my face just the hair. Your hands are on my tank top not my stomach." When she explained I couldn't help but judge a little. I know I shouldn't judge her, but I can't help it. That's ridiculous. Still if it's what she wants, or needs I'll oblige. 

"Okay." That's all I say because if she had wanted to further explain she would have. A cocky smile replaces the worried one on her face and she uses my arm as leverage to pull herself up to standing. She checks her phone sighs and than groans loudly. I stare and watch the show because she's mesmerizing. It's weird how captivating she is because her hair is not an attention seeking color. She doesn't wear revealing or weird clothes. She isn't louder than the other students. And yet I can't stop staring at her and the way that she does everything. 

I plant my feet when I stand somewhere like I'm expecting to get hit and don't want to fall over. She leans into one hip. She rolls her shoulders backwards and fidgets while I stand totally stoic. I cut my hair so that it's long enough to cover my eyebrows and eyes enough to conceal some emotion but short enough that I never have to brush it out of my eyes. She's constantly pulling it back into a ponytail and than realizing she doesn't have an elastic lets it drop and shakes it out only to repeat the process minutes later. She cracks her knuckles every few minutes and I only crack mine when I want to intimidate someone. The only thing that we have in common so far seems to be our unwavering eye contact. 

It's like having a staring contest except that you are allowed to blink. Neither of us backs down both making making expressions that would make the other back down and look away. I could stare into her eyes and examine them all day as cheesy as it sounds. 

Strange that I know so much about her behavior and I thought that she wasn't on my radar until a few days ago. I must have been paying more attention than I thought. She had slid her phone into her back pocket a while ago and we just stared at the other. I think we're both unsure how to proceed from here. I get the sense that she's not the type to back down and neither am I. It's why others find me intimidating because I make piercing eye contact and don't look away until they do. That's when there's vibrating in my pocket and heathens plays. That's Rico's ringtone and I never ignore a call from him. I back down and answer.

"Hey dude. What do you need?" I'm anxious because he doesn't normally call. I'm at work or school so he'll wait til I get home or just text me. 

"Lena is sick. She threw up and she's just about passing out. She didn't want to call you and make you take care of me. But she's throwing up in the bathroom. It's not good. She should go home." Rico sounds tentative to give me bad news. This sucks because calling in to work again could get me fired. Me and Rico would be out on our asses if we miss rent by even a day. 

"Okay. I'll figure it out. Don't worry about it. Send Lena home tell her I'll be there soon. I hope she gets better soon." I try to smooth things over for my brother. He confirms that he will I hang up and sigh. I can't leave him home alone. I mutter a curse under my breath. 

"What is it?" Ashton sounds worried talking to me. Like I'll bite her head off. To be fair that's what I did yesterday. 

"My brother's sitter is sick so I have to call into work again." I answer. She nods absently and than cocks her head. I know she's wondering where our parents are at. 

"I can watch him." The offer sounds harmless but I don't know what to say for a second. If I accept she'll find out about Rico, and taking care of a paraplegic teen is different than babysitting toddlers. Plus she'll find out where I live. And I have no idea how much Rico will tell her about my life. On the other hand I can't miss work again. I'd rather be embarrassed about the apartment than homeless so I nod. 

"Are you sure? He's um well difficult to care for." She studied me trying to decipher the hidden meaning. 

"How so? It can't be that bad. And it's not like I'm watching him for a long time. How old is he?" She's underestimating how hard it can be. 

I hesitate because my brother is ashamed. He has nothing to be ashamed for but all the same his paralysis embarrasses the hell out of him. "My brother Rico, he's um, paraplegic." Her eyebrows shoot up to the sky and she goes ghost white. Yeah there's no way she's going to babysit him. She's freaking out. 

"Okay. How old?" I'm shocked. Most people would have been more bothered by it. Most people would have asked questions. She's dying to ask questions but respecting my privacy and I've never been so grateful. I've never told anyone other than Lena what happened. I don't even know if I could without breaking. 

"He's fourteen. Are you sure you can handle it?" I'm hesitant but she nods very sure of herself. 

"I can do it. I'll need a ride at the end of the night though." I agree and really want to hug her. But I don't want her to feel weird or anything. 

She gets in my truck and rolls down her window to let out some of the stifling heat before cranking the tunes. Shame heats my neck when we drive up to my apartment. We live on the third floor, don't have an elevator. And she waits patiently while I unlock the several locks. She doesn't say anything just stares and surveys the area. She looks painfully out of place, her clothing trendy hip and clean. Her eyes dart everywhere searching for a hidden threat. My neighbor leers at her with crooked teeth. I don't even know his name but when we get inside I advise her to bolt the chain after I leave. 

And we enter my apartment. I see it for the first time through her eyes. Lena grew up like we did. You can just tell, paycheck to paycheck working too many hours for too little pay. I was never ashamed with Lena. I see every stain on the floor from god knows what. Last nights dishes in the sink. The scuffs on the cupboard. The kitchen needs sweeping, and there's a mess pretty much everywhere. Mainly because when Rico drops something he can't pick it up. And Lena works so much with his physio that she can't be doing all of the chores. I'm supposed to do them but I've fallen behind with the start of the school year. Ashton doesn't comment.