Transgender Jay : A Ninjago Story

19 - Depression

Jay hardly slept that night. Not only because of the tight binder - which he had almost gotten used to now - but because of a rushing mind.

His head was full of a million thoughts at once, most of them horrible and negative.

And the worst one of all, was the realisation of last night.

It was a sensitive topic, and one he had struggled with for years. So, so many years.

You see, Jay was diagnosed with severe Depression when he was 13. A number of... incidents... lead to his parents seeking immediate professional help.

He went through therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy specifically, though it didn't do too much for him.

Eventually, it was clear that the only line of action was a diagnosis and a prescription of medication.

Jay's life improved vastly after he got those. All the constant lack of motivation, the horrible thoughts, the constant nagging voice in the back of his head that told him he was worthless... they faded away.

It slowly faded after he got on anti-depressants.

Not all of it of course. Medication couldn't fix everything, and if that was the case, the world wouldn't have any problems left.

He still struggled a lot with his mental health, but it was vastly more bearable, and had made his life and the daily stresses that came with it a lot easier to cope with.

Consequently, the jarring realisation that he was getting worse absolutely crushed him. After doing so well for so long, the depression he had fought so hard against came out of the shadows, and began to take over his existence again.

Heck, he had even done well enough to stop taking the anti-depressants anymore, since the symptoms he had struggled with most no longer made themselves a problem. New coping strategies and taking good care of himself helped massively, and while problems like depression could never completely disappear, he was coping so much better.

They were beginning to be a problem again.

Unfortunately though, the health services on the Isle of Ninjago were hardly free. Prescriptions were quite expensive. To expensive to afford.

Even his monthly testosterone shot cost money. His parents still insisted that they pay for that, though. Whenever he had tried to pay for it himself, they had always beat him to it, paying, despite the two of them being poorer than poor. All he had to do was pick it up from a specific pharmacy in Ninjago City, along with his guilt and regret that even though he could save up, he would never be able to afford it for himself.

Jay thought long and hard, while wide awake in bed. Nya was - quite the contrary - fast asleep, clinging to him like a vice.

He didn't move, even though he wanted to go and have breakfast. He didn't want to wake her up.

He could get a job... but where would take him? He didn't have any qualifications. There weren't many schools out in the middle of the desert near a junkyard.

And he was NOT getting a pizza delivery job again. That was stressful beyond belief, and it lead to him getting kidnapped by snakes, then almost run over by a train. Not fun.

Maybe he could get a job with Cyrus Borg. He had seen Jay's mechanical abilities, and since he was a friend, probably wouldn't care as much that he didn't have an engineering degree.

Jay decided that he'd send him a quick message at some point during the day, but, for now, he would simply just rest.

He didn't know if he had the motivation to even get out of bed.