Transgender Jay : A Ninjago Story

58 - Feelings

Zane flew up the stairs and along the hallway towards Jay's room, stopping a couple metres from where Cole stood still, staring into the open doorway as if he'd been frozen.

He'd heard yelling, an excessive amount of yelling, and come running as quickly as he could.

It seemed he'd arrived a little too late to help anybody.

Cole looked... slightly out of it. Shaken up and still processing.

"... Cole? What happened? Are you alright?"

He slowly turned to look at him, and just shrugged, blank and visibly holding back tears.

Zane had distinctly heard Cole and Jay yelling, and from what limited words he could make out from downstairs, they were yelling at each other, and they weren't yelling anything kind either. Yet, Jay was nowhere to be seen.

Nya also made her way to the scene a small time after, looking concerned.

"... hey, what's going on? I heard shouting?" She asked, looking from Zane to Cole expectantly.

Cole still said nothing.

"... Cole... did you and Jay have an argument?" Zane questioned, stepping closer.

A small nod.

"... are... you, alright?"

It seemed he finally couldn't take it anymore. The tears welled up, and he let out a sob, clasping his hand over his mouth to trap any future noises carefully inside. He started shaking, as his body fought against itself, wanting nothing more to scream and cry and curse out loud, while wanting to shrivel up into a silent ball at the same time.

"... Cole-" Nya started, but Zane turned around and put a hand on her shoulder.

"... I will deal with this. Could you go and find Jay for me?"

"... I don't know if that's the best thing right now."

Zane was about to question her on that, but knew that there were more important topics to get to the bottom of. Helping Cole was most important, and he insisted.

"I need to know that he is safe. Please?"

Nya bit her lip, but followed the request without further objection.

Zane went to Cole, taking him gently by the arm.

"We should go somewhere else. Come on, nobody else is in the foyer right now, we can sit on the sofas and talk about this."

All Cole could do was nod and comply, numbly following his suggestion.

Soon enough, Cole was sat down, with a blanket draped over his shoulders and a mug of warm tea in his hands. Zane entered the room after tidying up in the kitchen, and sat down next to him.

"... I gather that you and Jay had a falling out..."

Nod.

"... May I ask what started it?"

Cole bit his lip, then spoke. Quietly, but surely.

"... I... I was... I-I was..."

"... take your time. There's no rush here."

"... I... I was... worried. I was w-worried about him wearing his binder so much... and... when he kept brushing it off, I got frustrated..."

"... that is alright. Having a friend deny your qualms will often induce that reaction. It's nothing to be ashamed about."

He sighed, and stared into the cup. His reflection was dingy and misshapen, and he looked away quickly.

"... it started off like that but... then we just... I just... I got angry... and angrier... and I-I... I started to say... horrible, h-horrible things to him..."

Zane's neutral expression saddened a little.

"... I thought as much."

"... Zane... I... I can't believe I let myself talk to him like that... Nobody... almost nobody deserves to be talked to like that... least of all him, and I..."

He swallowed nervously, blinking away more tears that threatened to show themselves.

"... what's wrong with me?"

"... nothing is wrong with you Cole. Disputes like these are bound to happen. You two are very close friends, and arguments are only natural for platonic relationships alike the one you share with Jay."

He didn't take it on board. No amount of reassurance or reasoning would even begin to make him feel less guilty, or less awful for saying the things he did. It would take a miracle to do such a thing.

"... Zane... you don't understand. Friends don't... friends don't say sh*t like that."

"If you said anything as truly terrible as you are professing, would you mind giving me an example?" Zane said, looking at him quizzically, yet expectantly

A shudder made its way up Cole's spine, and his blood ran cold.

"... I don't... I-I don't..."

He swallowed the excess moisture in his mouth, and immediately felt his tongue go uncomfortably dry.

"... I... I really... don't... want to repeat anything..."

Zane didn't seem completely happy with that answer, though didn't press at the issue.

"... alright. I do not wish to make you feel any worse."

"... thank you..."

Zane lent back, letting himself sink into the comfortable spongy fabric of the sofa. Luxury furniture like this wasn't to be taken for granted.

"At any rate, it's natural to worry about your friends, Cole. You don't need to feel bad about worrying for his safety. Depending on what you said to him, I would suggest an apology later on when things have reached a calmer level, and you may very well also deserve to receive an apology of your own. Everything will be okay."

Zane looked back over at him, only to become puzzled at his position. He was hunched over - having carefully put the mug of tea down on the mahogany coffee table in the middle. He pressed his lips together in an awkward fashion... in fact... his whole positioning was awkward. He seemed... troubled.

More troubled than he should have been.

".. I just... he means the world to me Zane."

The words had an odd weight to them that Zane had rarely heard. Occasionally, he caught a whim of it here and there, though, never this intense.

"... I can't stand to see him just... destroy himself like this! He... he doesn't understand that when he hurts himself, he hurts me too! I know... I know I sound so... so selfish but... I just... I... I care about him too much! I can't f*cking take it!" Cole ranted, his warm brown eyes dripping with what Zane could only describe as... well...

... he couldn't.

He didn't have the words to describe the emotions he was reading.

The answer was right there, the strange aura coming off him, the odd pinching feeling that teased him. There was something going on here.

Something more than met the eye.

Then... as he carefully looked his friend from head to toe once more... analysing his posture and expression... it hit him like a brick.

"... Cole...?"

He looked up, moving his melancholy gaze to face the nindroid.

"... I... I cannot believe I did not... I... my apologies. I must compose myself."

"... what's wrong?"

Cole was very concerned. Zane getting flustered and having to legitimately think about what he was saying was an extremely rare occurrence.

"... do not worry. It is not anything worth concerning you with."

As much as Cole wanted to protest and continue to press for an answer, he knew it wouldn't achieve anything, and he was too tired and preoccupied anyway.

"... you sure?"

Zane gave him a sad, and sympathetic smile.

"... yes. I am sure."