Literary Emotions |✔

REflections 3

...I wince and I squirm and I turn,
Helplessly resisting this unyielding force,
Trying to force a change in trajectory,
Trying to turn a new leaf
But I've run out of pages.
I breath fire and ice,
Nothing changes.
Every action is met with the strongest,
Opposite reaction the universe can muster.
I had thought I would face a force to be reckoned with,
Never quite knowing that force,
Would bring my day of reckoning.

I should really quit,
End this futile fight,
Fail for the last and definite time.
But that would crush my family,
And everyone looking up to me.
They are the last straw binding me to reality,
The only people I know
Will ever really love me,
And it will kill me to break their hearts,
That is something I can't fix it if I'm gone.
And if I stay, I ruin everything,

So I decide again,
Against my better judgement,
To try and step up my game,
(Knowing with surety like snowfall in winter,
That I'll break before I learn to walk)
This time I slip into drugs and suicidal thoughts.
Toying with unspeakable ideas of all sorts.

But I shake violently,
Snapping momentarily out of my mental delusion,
Waking up from my depression induced slumber.

"This is not the way."

I try to enforce determination and discipline,
Listening to hundreds of motivational speeches,
Each beckoning me into a hidden spectrum of light.
Every now and then a jolt of positive thinking,
Should suffice to keep me upright.
But you see,
That is the problem,
It doesn't work.
I have done this before,
I have tried hard but my best just isn't enough.
The ground is wet and slippery
I can't maintain stability,
I trip inevitably,
Losing consistently.
Nemesis catches up with me,
She chases me for a crime I did not commit:
Birthing me.

So I wonder if the problem is with my existence,
I wonder if I would have been better off nonexistent.
I contemplate suicide,
Wonder what happens in the afterlife.

I have jumped the cliff,
I am on a downward spiral,
Speeding towards the ground.
And the jagged rocks beneath me,
Spread their teeth wide.
They welcome me with open, serrated arms,
With unconditional acceptance.
This is where I belong,
At the bottom of the food chain.
I should have found it a lot sooner.
For now I'll be spared
The grief of living life,
A sore loser.

Intense right? Comment and vote please. Love ya.😘😘😘