Drarry One Shots

Harry Potter but it's gay - and wierd things my friends have said.

Harry: *annoys Draco*

Draco: YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A TREE FALLS ON SOMEONES LEGS??? THEY BREAK.

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Trelawny: We learn and accept. If we don't learn, we cry

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Hermione: I'm a girl.

Ron: I'm a boy

Harry: I'm... a milkshake

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Draco: Just because I robbed a bank twice, doesn't mean the police will be after me.

*Police sirens*

Draco: Oh shit-

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Ron: It's amazing, the amount of homework.. I did not do.

Hermione: I was gonna be happy then you finished your sentence.

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Draco: I'm so straight.. so straight I'm gay

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Draco: *wheezing* Ok, ok. Just let me breath.

Ginny: *angrily* What? Why do you need to breath?

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Draco, pouting: They stole my gay..

Harry: It's mine now

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Umbridge: am not a mass murderer! I just happened to have plans of remodeling the earth, and 8 billion people got in the way!

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Ron:...AND EVERYTHING WE LOVE WILL DIE OR DROWN OF HEAT!

Hermione: I believe that is called burning.

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Luna: This is Barbra. She's likes to sleep. She might be dead. I don't know, she's a rock.

Harry: I like Barbra. She is like me

Luna: *throws Barbra*

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Draco: So the other day my dad told me how to murder people

Snape: Huh, cool

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(Drunk) Hermione: HES TRYING TO PLUCK MY ARMS!!

(Drunk) Ron: you're like a chicken. You need to be plucked.

(Drunk) Hermione: DON'T YOU DARE PLUCK ME

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*Dumbledore walks in slurping juice box.*

Hi could I have this person in the office?

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Voldemort:*singing quietly* I see fields of bodies...

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James:Here comes the sun dodododooo

Sirius:Sunshine cannot reach me as there is nothing but ice in my heart.

James:.... it's alright! Dododododo

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Harry, with a bleeding nose: How do you refill your blood?

Draco, from the other side of the room: You don't. You die.

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Ron: You hit me!!

George: I dropped it!

Ron: you THREW it at me!!

George: I dropped it with force.

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Draco: if I was in your class next year, would I be your favorite?

Snape: I hate everyone equally.

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Draco: I'm running out of blood!

Pansy: Tea?

Draco: That too

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Umbridge: -Staring into my soul

Literally everyone: That's not true, you don't have a soul

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Luna: It's ok, we'll just fly around with flappy things called arms

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Draco: it's the circle of life!

Harry: that's a fire..

Draco: shut up

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Pansy: Spontaneous. Human. Combustion.

Draco, absently: lovely.

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Draco: I am trained in the art of fuck you too

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Ron: *eats cookie coated in tomato sauce* ... O h

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Hermione: Frickity frack wack is crack. Wait no don't do wack do crack. Wait no wack is crack! Wait no-

I have more but i'm lazy so-

Cya