Growing (An Islamic Life) *COMPLETED*

Chapter 6 (Final Goodbye)

Edited

When my eyes opened, everything was a blur. I adjusted my eyes and sat up. Where was I? That's when it all came back to me. My parents. They were in an accident. Oh Allah. Why did this have to happen to them. My mom, no no. Then it suddenly dawned on me. She's gone. She's no longer here with us anymore. Where have you gone mom? Why did you leave me? Me and my mom were the closest ever. I would tell my mom everything and cry on her shoulders. Now whose shoulder am I going to cry on? How can she be gone?

"Amina," said Imran. His eyes were bloodshot and I could see the dark circles around his eyes, like he hasn't slept for days. His shirt was somewhat wet around the shoulder, like someone had been crying on it.

"Where's mommy and dada? Please tell me it's all a joke. Please."

"I'm so sorry Amina. Mom is no more. Dad has woken up and is stable. You passed out for a whole day. Dad is coming home tomorrow and mom's funeral will be held tomorrow. I'm so sorry Ami."

No words came out. We didn't have a mother. There was no one to yell at us; there was no one we can call mom anymore. She was gone. Tears fell out of my eyes and I was embraced into a hug by Amira, my sister.

"Datha (sister), please do something. Please bring back mom. She can't be gone. Please Datha please."

"I'm so sorry Amina." We just hugged each other until no tears came out. It was almost as if we ran out of tears. But every time I thought that my mom was not with me, tears came back again. Once I was okay to walk and with all dizziness gone, I made my way to my dad's room.

When I entered the room, I couldn't even see my dad. He had casts around his hands and legs and one on his ankle. I guess it was a pretty bad accident. He looked very pale and I have never seen my dad like that. Careful not to hurt him, we all just hugged each other and cried until it was time for us to leave. But no one wanted to leave. Instead we all sat in the waiting room barely getting any sleep. Imran became busy arranging the funeral and my sister had to leave to take care of her kids whom she left with my brother-in-law Yusuf. I was just sitting in the waiting room... Just waiting. There was no more emotion inside. At first I was angry with my mom for leaving us. She should have fought. It's not fair. But after all the anger passed I was left with no emotions. I could not feel anything. No tears came out, no words came out. I felt dead inside.

"I sent a message to your school. You don't need to be there for another week." I simply nodded.

"Do you want some coffee, no wait some hot chocolate?"

I shook my head. Imran sighed and left me alone.

"Amina, its time to go." I woke up to Imran shaking me awake. I didn't know when I had fallen asleep. I was beyond tired. I just wanted all of this to be over and go hug my mom and go to sleep.... my mom...! No more hugs.

"C'mon its time for the funeral. You need to get ready."

Imran dropped me home and I showered and changed into a clean abaya and hijab. I got ready faster than I expected. Imran went to his place to change and I had to wait until he came back. As I made my way downstairs the house felt so empty. It was so deserted, the same house that once rang with the laughter of my mom. I wish I could cry again and grieve but no tears would come out. It didn't hurt anymore, I couldn't feel anything anymore either. I cleaned the house up a bit killing time and Imran started honking the car. I locked the door and joined him in the car. The ride was silent. Neither one of us said a word.

The funeral home was small. We didn't have grandparents; just a couple of aunties, uncles and cousins. I saw my friends: Maya, Zain, Andrew and Ben. They all gave me a big hug followed by my relatives and I plastered a fake smile on my face as all of them started telling me the same things again and again.

'It'll be alright'

'You'll get through this'

'We are always here for you'

'Your mother was a great person'

'She loved you all very much'

'Its ok to let it all out'

'It will all be fine'

Except, the thing was it wasn't fine. Loosing my mother was not fine. I will not be alright, yet no one would understand this except my mom.

I saw my dad, my sister and brother stand next to my mom's... her... her casket. I made my way over to her. Imran held my hand and gave it a squeeze but I gave him a nod telling him I was alright. I looked down at my mother, sleeping so peacefully. She didn't have a single bruise on her face. She looked like an angel. She was covered in a white cloth and you could only see her face. She looked so beautiful, yet lifeless. Looking down at her, I stopped moving. I couldn't breathe anymore and suddenly I felt as if the whole room started choking up on me. I had no where to run when the walls were closing in. No! As I backed away trying to escape, I fell in to someone's arms. Then everything came back to reality. I was in my mother's funeral and I was in Omar Khan's hands as he was holding me. Imran quickly rushed over to me.

"Amina are you ok?"

I nodded and caught my balance before I fell again. Throughout the rest of the funeral I sat in a corner chair, just watching everyone. People who didn't even know her talking about how wonderful of a person she was. Aunties crying while uncles were comforting them. People were occasionally coming to me and saying a few words trying to help me grieve and left. But there I was just sitting there in the corner just watching everything. It was time to take her away and the men carried her like she was light as a feather. She was gone. When everything finished my sister took me home, helped me change my clothes, fed me and took me to bed. My dad needed more care so he was told to come back to the hospital for a few days.

"Listen I will tell Yusuf to bring the kids here and I will be here right next to you ok?"

"No Datha, you should go. I'm fine. I just want to be left alone. Please."

"Ami, I am not leaving you alone. I'll just be right back after talking to Yusuf."

"It wont make a difference whether you're here or not. I just want to left alone. Cant you understand?" I told her coldly. She nodded but before she left, I gave her a hug. I wanted her to stay with me but she lived 2 hours away, and it's too late for her to bring her kids here as well. I couldn't be selfish.

I tossed and turned in bed, sleep not coming to me. I heard a noise outside and decided to see what it was. As I kept my foot out of my bed I stepped on my phone. I opened it to find messages and missed calls... and a voicemail from my mom.

Without another second to spare, I clicked on it and kept the phone to my ear.

"Amina, darling" my mother's voice "Since you were having dinner out, me and your dad decided to go out for dinner as well. I made some sandwiches for you in case you get hungry, again" she laughed "which you will, so you can just microwave it OK. Don't stay up too late, we'll try to come home soon. I love you. Oh and tomorrow we have.... Honey be careful" my mom shouted in the phone. I could hear her scream and then the phone went dead.

Mom. No. No. My mom's last words. Her screams still ringing in my head. As tears started flowing, I needed to get out of here. I didn't know where but I just started running downstairs. As I opened my front door, Omar stood there just about to ring the bell. I didn't know what came over me when I hugged him and cried my eyes out. I needed a shoulder to cry on and that was exactly what Omar gave me.

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