My Delinquent|tk

9| i'm not supposed to be happy

Jungkook—

When I woke up, someone was clinging onto my chest, with a vise-like grip. At first, I thought it was some girl that I somehow ended up with when I went to the club, but then I realized that I never went to the club last night. With that startling thought, my eyes shot open, to find none other than Kim Taehyung with his arms wrapped around my torso, and his cheek pressed to my chest. My heart fluttered at the cute sight before me. If he wasn't so persistent about "fixing me" I wouldn't mind having him as a friend. I, actually, wouldn't even mind having him as something more.

But, the elder was poking his nose into something that he shouldn't, no matter what good intentions he holds. I can't have him hanging around me more than he already has. I don't want to taint the pureness that is Kim Taehyung. I don't want him mixing up with trash like me. An angel, such as him, doesn't deserve to even be touching me, like this. Correction; I don't deserve to be touching him, like this. I have no right to. Yet...

For now...

Maybe I can just hold him, for the time being. It's selfish of me, but I didn't want to let the elder go. There was just something about him that compelled me to lose my cool, and get easily angered when he's around. And there was something about him that made me want to melt right on the spot, and cradle him in my arms forever. There was just something about him that makes me become a completely different person. There was just something about him that makes me go insane.

And I was completely aware of what it was.

But, there was no way in hell I was going to acknowledge and further look upon it. That would only hurt the both of us.

So, I opted to just stare down upon Taehyung silently, loosely holding him in my arms. Everything about him was just perfect. His face, his hair, his body, even his personality. Everything. Resisting the urge to sweep the hair out of his eyes, I controlled myself to stay very still. Slowly, I exhaled out of my nose, not knowing what to do with the situation at hand. A hangover was starting to form, and my head was starting to pound. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to throw up was growing, but I didn't want to disturb the elder, by moving. Though the cruelest thing of all was that I remembered everything that I'd done and said to Taehyung last night. It was humiliating. I'd told him what I'd craved for the most, and now he's even more determined to help me. The problem was that he already was helping me heal. How must that be a problem? After all, I'm starting to feel whole and happy again. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Everything.

There are things that are better left untouched and unaddressed. There are things that I don't want to remember, but now am, because of a certain blonde-haired boy. And, finally, there a feelings that shouldn't arise. I won't allow myself to be happy, like this. I'm not supposed to be happy.

Taehyung's stirring snapped me out of my thoughts, as I watched his eyes flutter open, cutely, and stare at me, in a sleep-induced hazy look. I watched, amused, as the elder realize the situation, as his eyes grew larger, as he assessed our positions. Taehyung shot up, so that he was sitting on his heels. "I have an explanation," the aforementioned assured, in a rushed manner. I tried to ignore the shiver that ran down my spine, when I heard his raspy morning voice, and shook my head. "You don't need to explain. I remember what had happened last night."

The elder blew out a relieved sigh, and gave me a gorgeous boxy smile. "Do you need water? Food? Anything?" The throbbing in my head made itself present, causing me to bring a hand up to my temples. "Painkillers," I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut. Taehyung nodded, before darting off of the bed, and running to his kitchen.

When he came back, he dropped two pills into my palm, and set a glass of water next to the bed, on his nightstand, before hurrying back to the kitchen. "I'll make you hangover soup, if that's okay with you!" The blonde called. I nodded, and gulped down the medicine. I felt awkward sitting on Taehyung's bed, as he proceeded to take care of me. What if his roommate comes back, now? How much more humiliation can I take in one morning?

I plopped down on my back, mentally groaning at myself. What am I going to do, from here on out? I can't keep acting like an asshole to Taehyung, after the kindness he's shown me.  That wouldn't be fair. But, I can't keep getting friendly with him either. I can't have him getting involved with my messed up life. The fact that he's not already revolted with my past, doesn't mean that my present won't send him running away.

I can't have Taehyung anywhere near him.

My thoughts were interrupted, when the older male sat on the edge of the bed, with a bowl of soup in one hand and a spoon in the other. "Let me feed you," he offered, dipping the spoon into the bowl. I shook my head to say no, but the action made me dizzy, causing me to groan in pain, clutching at my hair. Taehyung sighed, and hovered the spoon next to my mouth. "Come on, Jungkook," he urged. "Just let me help you." I frowned, deeply, before reluctantly parting my lips, and accepting the elder's help.

"It's good," I mumbled, swallowing the broth. Taehyung beamed, brightly, "thank you!"

I scolded my heart for fluttering, at the elder male's cheery attitude. I'm not supposed to fall for him. I won't allow myself to. It's not fair for the both of us. I can't drag him into the hell that is my life. He doesn't deserve it.

I repeated the words, as if I was praying, while the elder continued to feed me.

"I know you don't want me to help you, but since you remember what had happened last night...I'm even more determined than before, Jungkook. I'll find a way to fix your heart," Taehyung rambled, as he dipped the spoon back into the bowl, and blew on the broth, before lowering it down to my lips, again. My head reached forward to accept the soup, before falling back onto the blonde's blue and white-stripped pillows. "That's what I don't want you to do," I sighed. "I don't want you or someone else getting so emotionally attached to me, that it's a danger to you or them." Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, in confusion. "What do you mean?" I shook my head, feeling a little bit better, now that the medicine was starting to kick in, and that I had food in my stomach. "My life isn't something I want you to get involved in. It won't just put me in danger, but also you."

The elder snorted, "what, are you in the mafia or something?" A small smile twitched at my lips. "That only happens in fanfiction."

Taehyung chuckled, slightly, at that, and placed the empty bowl on his nightstand, and lowered himself, so that we staring at each other, eye-to-eye. "At least just let me in enough to be your friend." I considered the earnest look in his eyes, and melted. How can I say no to a face like that?

"Fine," I sighed.

I let the elder cheer, and watched him raise his arms in a some kind of victory dance, as he swayed from side to side. A small smile raised on my lips, and I shook my head. "But, just so you know; since you are aware of my situation, things might be a bit too much for you to handle at times." Taehyung reached over the bed, to grasp my hand in his long fingers. "There is no way I would ever back out, no way in hell," he assured. I stared at his lips for a moment, before nodding.

What have I done to myself?

—

Are we making progress?

Yes :)

Sorry for my slow updates. School has been keeping me busy. Ugh, this chapter is so messy. I'll be coming back to edit it later :/

-Author-nim