Astray Among The Stars

Chapter 46: Homebound

"Unknown vessel, identify yourself."

Prill fiddled with the transmitter controls in the captain's chairs, trying to get a clear visual on the view screen sent by the Nevran vessel, yet the large monitor still displayed a mess of shapes and colors. It seemed some technologies were not compatible. At least he had audio.

"This is Sergeant Prill O Krilati of the Terran vessel Hestia."

"What is your purpose in Nevran space?"

"We were captured by the P'Shari, and we are heading home."

"Very well. Avetis will escort your ship. Keep in mind, Sergeant, you may have to return to duty."

"Yes sir. I understand."

"Very well." The transmission ended.

* * *

Hersta walked up to her husband, joining him at the mess hall window as he gazed out at the familiar Nevran vessel, his arms resting on the window ledge.

"Prill, what is wrong?"

He sighed, leaning his reflection in the glass preoccupied. "I might have to go back."

"What do you mean? The forces? Are you sure?"

The Nevran solemnly nodded. "Unfortunately."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him from behind.

"Just know that no matter what, you will always have somebody here for you. I will never leave you."

You did when you disappeared, while I fought to protect you and everything we had.

"Hersta. . . if I leave again, what will you do?"

"I will stay here."

"And if the Terrans come back home, what then?"

"I will leave them once we reach the neutral zone."

"And what if I do not come back?"

"Prill, do not talk like that. You survived once and you can do it ag-"

His amethyst eyes turned towards her. "Hersta, I got lucky. I would be dead right now had it not been for these Terrans. I got captured because I traded myself for the release of my men. I endured daily beatings, starvation, torture, and witnessed horrors you cannot even imagine. And I did horrible things, horrible things. . . . If I go back, I run the risk of reliving that, and I do not know if I can do it again."

* * *

Circa 2196

Prill marched forward in the feldgrau mud, his troops following his lead, darting amongst the dead splintered trees and burned shrubs. In the shadows of the forest, their enemies readied for another attack from the valley below, unaware and unprepared.

Prill halted, his breath a misty cloud in the frigid air. He smiled, taking out his binoculars as the wind bit his thinly gloved hands. They had the invaders out-flanked and out-maneuvered. Despite their numbers, his forces alone could capture the nearby village. The Nevran gestured, signaling his troops with a smirk. Today, they would win. Today, they would be victorious.

* * *

"I'm worried about him."

Tevra glanced over, following Roger's gaze.

"What mean?"

"Look at him. He's miserable. He looks depressed, Tevs. He should be happy, but even when he's found his girlfriend again and we are in Nevran-controlled space, he does not look happy, not at all."

The Valorian nodded.

"I bet he has to go to war again."

Her guts churned with darkness. She shuddered. Prill always refused to talk about his past. Reflecting back on it, she did not really know him that well at all. The soldier had kept himself hidden, his demons inside, his memories shrouded. Yet from his mere gaze, she could tell the Nevran felt the same pain she experienced, yet not only dealing with monsters, but also becoming one.

The two teens watched Prill leave the mess hall as he reported for night shift. Roger sighed. Tevra's gaze shifted to him.

What made Prill any different from him? They both did what they had to survive, delving into darkness, not by choice, but by necessity. Both the teen and the Nevran killed to save themselves and others, whether by orders or morals. Yet once they broke free of their savage instincts, they did not retain such cruel intentions, refusing to succumb to the darkness within. The Nevran had a soldier's duty, yet he showed her kindness any time she stopped by. The boy had done the same. Even after killing to survive, he broke free from the bloodlust and flipped completely, rescuing her and other aliens despite knowing nothing about them.

"Earth to Tevra. Hello?"

The Valorian snapped out of her stare. Roger stood up.

"I'm gonna crash. You can join me again if you want but I need some sleep."

Tevra nodded and watched as he slipped away, his shadow casting across the dimly lit dining hall. She turned her gaze to the unending void outside, her mind returning to reflection.

Was she any different from them as well? Had she not lived through hell yet kept herself from transforming into what she feared most? Was she ever a monster? Had she shown any cruelty? Had she killed anyone? Could she? The girl shuddered. There were many times where she wanted to, many times where she could have, but did that make her a monster? She had acted out of anger, out of hate and fury; her rage and ferocity had injured others no doubt, but to what ends justified the means?

Tevra sighed, retiring for the night. As the mess hall doors opened, she glanced back at her reflection in the windows, hesitating, and then headed out.

* * *

"No."

"No."

"No!"

Prill awoke with a jolt. He rubbed his eyes, his tears wetting his fur.

A gentle arm caressed his elbow. "What is wrong, babe?"

"Nightmares again. Flashbacks. Bad memories, dear."

Hersta sat up, reaching over and wrapping her arm around his left side, pulling herself close to him. She rested her head on his right shoulder, gently rubbing his back. Yet there was nothing she could do to comfort him. Prill sat in darkness, breathing heavily, his muscles still tense, his neck aching. Love could not stop the pain. Nothing could, nothing but time and self acceptance. But the Nevran could not accept what he did.

The thought of him turning dark again gnawed at the back of his mind, slowly eating him away, eroding his happiness and serenity. He knew once he had escaped he would have to return, to face himself and his actions, his regrets and his demons. Prill had kept them locked up like Pandora's box, yet there was no escaping the past this time. Eventually, it would open. The past would return and he would go back to war. It was inevitable, like death, the death of his freedom, the death of his clear and peaceful mind.

Prill rested his head back down on the pillow, closing his eyes, but his mind remained active, plagued by the flashbacks his dreams sparked, plagued by dark questions and dark thoughts. Would Jerrok get the honor he deserved? Would he get captured and tortured again? Would he live to see Hersta again?

The Nevran sighed, clearing his mind, pushing everything to the back of his head. He was a soldier. He had a purpose. He had a nation, a home world, and a duty. Nothing would stop him, not even himself.