The Baby (bump) Blues [FINISHED]

The Baby Blues (Part 23)

Moving On-

I fully intended on going home after my little chat with Scott, but as I was driving I realized something; I needed to focus on Hayden, my baby was the most important thing in my life right now and she needed me more than anyone else. I was going to put her and school before everything until I got my act together and then and only then would I be ready to open myself up. David and Jamie both offered me so much; David, the complete family that Hayden should have, and love. Jamie, a stable relationship, a great friendship, and he was amazing with Hayden. But right now I didn't need the pressure of choosing one or the other, and to be honest, I really, really missed my best friend; so that was how I ended up in Jamie's driveway, Hayden glued to my hip.

I knocked on the door twice and waited for someone to answer. I don't even know why I expected him to be home though, after our last little escapade he had thrown himself into his school and even gotten a part-time job. My heart squeezed at the thought of him getting a long fine without me -and then he opened the door- and I realized that he hadn't been fine without me. His face lit up and he smiled the smile I had been missing for so long.

"Jamie." I whispered. "Cheyenne." He replied. "Ma ma!" Hayden yelled. We both looked down at her and laughed, and then Jamie engulfed us both in a very large hug.

Hayden, Jamie, and I chilled on the couch for the rest of the day watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer re-runs and a little Supernatural. We ate popcorn and drank tea and laughed at nothing in particular. This was how it was suppose to be between Jamie and me; easy and smooth, a genuine friendship built on love and commitment, but not the relationship kind. I loved him, oh god did I love him, but I knew the boundary of that love now, and so did he.

Was he going to just get over me and move on? Probably not, I knew he still held that affection for me, and truth be told, I was never going to forget all those days and nights spent together, but those were memories now. Maybe one day that would be something we re-explored, but for now, we were fine the way we are. Friends with no extra baggage.

Mom, Hayden, and I spent the weekend with Scott and his children. I would have thought it would be so much more awkward but seeing him and my mom together, so happy and sure of themselves doused out all of that awkwardness for me. I think there was possibly wedding bells in their future but hey, only time would tell that.

Libby came over Saturday night with a carton of ice cream and lots of cookies. We settled in my bed and ate the entire box, dipping them in the ice cream, and talked about absolutely nothing. She snuggled up next to me when we were too full to even breath and sighed in my ear.

"You know Lib, the phone works two ways. You could call him." I told her, feeling like that was a very best friendy thing to say. "Hey," She warned. "You're on my side, not his. You're suppose to be telling me what a horrible loser he is and that he doesn't deserve my phone calls." I chuckled and wrapped my arms around Libby, I felt Dora and Adrian jump into bed and claim each side of us. "Oh Libby, Clay is such a horrible, monstrous guy and he doesn't deserve your phone calls or love. He should be begging at your feet for you to come back to him and he should have never walked out on you." I said, holding back a laugh. "There, feel any better?"

"No," She whined, kicking her feet into my mattress. "That just makes me feel worse." I pulled her tighter to me and kissed the top of her head. "I know Libby, I know."

I had prepared a whole speech for Jamie, telling him how much I missed my best friend and how I just wanted us to be that again, and then when I got to his house, words weren't even needed, he just knew. David would be much more difficult than that, I knew him well enough to know that. I texted him that I was coming to his house and then brought Hayden along to play referee, I knew that he wouldn't get too upset with her in the room.

He was waiting for me, sitting on his bed, watching TV; I didn't join him, instead, I took a seat at the edge of his bed and set Hayden down, letting her crawl over to him. He smiled at her and then at me. "Hey, I've missed you guys." I looked down at my hands and my chipping nail polish, I really needed to take that stuff off. "Yea, she missed you too." I knew he had caught that 'she' and not 'we' thing. I also knew that it had upset him. "David listen, I came here to tell you that I went and saw Jamie and him and I are just friends now."

I looked up at David then and saw him smiling from ear to ear. He felt victorious, I really was dreading what I had to say next. "But I came here to tell you that you and I are just going to be friends as well, actually no, more than friends, we're going to be the parents of Hayden, but that's it. I realize you love me, and I love you too but I don't think I'm ready for what you or Jamie want so I'm not going to put myself in that position anymore."

David's face was totally emotionless, he was trying to hold back from anything leaking through but I could see the hurt in his eyes. "I haven't been able to focus on my school or give Hayden the attention she deserves because I've been so preoccupied on choosing between you and Jamie so this is me, extracting myself from that situation." David didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. I just broke his heart and he was never going to forgive me.

"David I'm--" He held up his hand to cut me off. "No, stop. I understand. I'm not mad." I looked down again, I hadn't been worried about him being mad at me. When I looked up again I saw what I had been dreading, his eyes were glossy with tears he refused to let loose. "Is this a forever thing?" He asked, looking down at Hayden so he didn't have to look at me anymore. I wanted to say 'yes' so he wouldn't hold onto the hope that we would one day be together but I couldn't do that because yes wasn't the answer.

"No," I replied in a whisper. "But I don't expect you to wait for me because that would be selfish. I wouldn't be mad if you moved on." David looked up at me then and shook his head. "You really don't understand, do you? I can't turn my feelings on and off when you decide you want to or don't want to be with me. My feelings for you aren't going to change just because you've made up your mind."

I could feel my own tears threatening to escape. I knew this was the right thing to do but why did it have to hurt so much. Just when I was about to say something, say anything to make it hurt less, Hayden's little voice sounded. "Daaaadeee." I looked up at the same time David looked over at me and we both had the same face of shock. "Hayden baby, what did you just say?" He asked her. "Daaadeee, daaadeee." She crooned, smacking his chest. "Yea that's right, I'm daddy."

I scooted all the way over until David's legs and mine were crushed together. Hayden looked over at me and smiled, "Maaamaaa, daaadeee." When she said 'daddy' she slapped David's chest again. We spent the rest of the day laughing with our daughter. I could feel the new strain in our relationship and I knew it would probably always be there; he was hurt, and it was my fault. But I couldn't help but feel relieved as we laid there with our little girl and I didn't feel any sense of obligation or pressure.

When I got home that night I filled out the packet for the college music program and then put it in the mail-box. It was time to follow my own dreams.

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Almost done with this story, just one chapter left.

Again, thank my bestie (the real life) Libby (who is not totally like the story Libby; they share a few similarities but do not consider them one) for me finishing this story :)

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