left for sorrow (Shawn Mendes)

1

I dart up from my bed looking at my surroundings nervously. "Mom!"I shout looking everywhere sweat coming down my forehead. The door slams open,and in rushes mom,and dad.

"Oh sweetie i'm here" she says pulling me in for a hug,and I try to calm down but each time it gets harder "breath in,breath out" she whispers in my ear.

"I'm gonna make sure all the doors are locked" dad says once mom parts away from me. I wipe away the tears that I didn't realize came down.

"M-mom it happened again mom it-he he came after me"I cry sobbing feeling like i'm running low on air.

"It was just a nightmare honey it's not happening" she says stroking my face.

"It felt more than that mom"my voice cracks

"I'm gonna go get your medicine" mom says getting up. I sigh sobbing. I've been taking pills ever since my sister was found dead. because ever since she was found I haven't been the same. I get these weird nightmares of the same person who took,and killed my sister is coming after me as if i'm next and I don't feel safe anymore. I'm still hurt and miss her even though it's been four months. I don't think I will move on not until they find the person.

"Here" mom says handing me a glass of water,and my two pills. I swallow them quickly wanting to get it over with,and dad walks in.

"All the doors are locked" he walks up to my window,and checks it.

"Mom sleep with me please"I say sniffing.

"Alright Hun scooch over"

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"Hey hun" dad tells me once I walk inside the kitchen.

"Hey"I say pouring orange juice in a cup,and chugging it down.

"Hurry up emma you're gonna be late to school" mom says walking in dressed for work. She's a nurse,and dad is a lawyer.

"Okay okay"I say putting the cup in the sink,and grab my bags before I follow mom out the house,and into her car she takes and picks me up from school.It's embarrassing at times but it's whatever. I have been through worse. I get mad at them because the reason why my parents don't want me having a car is cause it means freedom,and they gave my older sister Freedom,and she ended dead and they don't want to make the same mistake, although they don't directly tell me that I already know.I don't judge them for worrying though.

"Pay attention in class,and please don't go out for lunch okay? stay with your friends" mom tells me parking in front of the school where a bunch of kids are walking.

"Yes mom,I know" I say reaching for the handle.

"Do you have your phone?" she quickly asks.I nod,and she sighs "Okay be safe emma" she warns. I smile at her,and walk out,and make my way into the building that is crowded. walking down to my locker. I realize it's the last day of school.I internally squeak because I finally won't have to come here but at the same time it means I have to be home more,and I know i'll have more panic attacks.

"Hey" my friend alexia says shoving a piece of gum in her mouth

"hey"I don't have much friends atleast not like i used to mostly becuase I shut everyone off and im fine with that i guess. "I'll see you in class"I tell her going up to my locker,and getting my things alexia and i have been friends for a while shes the only one who puts up with me 

"alright i need youre math homework at lunch tho" she giggles and i smile shaking my head as she heads off

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I kick a pebble out of my way,and continue to walk down the sidewalk.I keep looking at my surroundings something I always do when I walk home. "Hey Mr.Clark"I say waving to our neighbor who is mowing the lawn. He takes off his headphones,and waves back.

"Hey emma how was school?" he asks.

"Good, since it was the last day"I giggle,and he chuckles as I walk up to my house "i'm home" I shout entering my kitchen to see mom making some lemonade juice.

"Oh good here give this to John" moms says handing me a cup filled with lemonade juice.

"Mr.Clark?" I ask taking it.

"Yeah, he helped mow our lawn since dad isnt home"she says. I nod,and walk back outside to see John by the sidewalk picking some sticks up.

"Here, mom said thank you"I tell him casuing him to look  up,and shakes his head.

"ah dont worry about it but thank you" his dirty stained fingers grabs the cup and begins to chug it down,and I watch him.He has been our neighbor for years.he is very quiet and always home. He wreaks at times mostly of motor and grease other times of sweaty armpit today he wreaks of sweaty armpits.I heard he lost his wife,and daughter in a car crash or something and hasn't been the same ever since. He is sweet though "so any plans for the summer?" He asks handing me the now empty cup with grease marks on it.He wipes his sweat,and looks at me.

"Uhm sleep and eat"I giggle. He chuckles. I turn around,and see mom talking to our other neighbor Sandy.I walk back in the house, and place the cup in the sink where I then go up to my room ready to start summer.Entering my room,I stop in my tracks when I see a picture of me, and my sister on the floor broken. I look around to see my window open. My heart stops beating,and I run down the stairs to my mom.

"Mom! mom"I shout shaking.

Mom looks at me confused in a wondering way "what is it?i'm talking emma"

"Someone was in my room." I gasp for air knowing a panic attack is coming my heart aching a tightning sensation hugging it making me squint in pain.

"How?look emma i'm talking to Sandra not now" mom wanrs glancing at a confused sandra with a smile

"Mom- please come- i i" i cant finish my sentence because my panic is taking over

"Oh dear excuse me Sandra"mom says clearly embarrassed. I grab her,and take her up to my room. She looks at the frame, and picks it up.

"And the window is open. the person  was here,I know it was"I say breathing in and out trying to control my feelings but i cant im going crazy at the thought of my sisters killer.

"emma for gods sake I opened your window so some fresh air could get in,and it must've knocked the frame down" she says facing me.

"No mom it couldn't" i look into her eyes to see the tiredness in her eyes shes tired of my panic attacks,tired of my nightmares tired that i havent slightly moved on because ive done the opposite and i dont blame her

"Relax!" she shouts making me flinch "you need to stop being so paranoid. Your sister died okay? she died in a horrible way but it is time to move on.It's been some time,and you being like this isn't helping. Go out,have fun. Be with friends get your mind off of this" she says mad.

"I can't"I say wanting to cry again.

"You're dad,and I are tired of it,and will have a serious talk about this"

"Mom p-" she walks out my room,and I jump on my bed frustrated because I hate myself for being like this but at the same time I know it's more than just dreams,and a feeling.