New Beginnings

Pain

I'm not sure why I'm writing this here, it's not even a poem. I'm just in so much pain at the moment and feel like I have no where to turn. As more time passes the more I feel nothing but this pain. I try my hardest to push past it and push past the ghosts of you but I can't. I thought I could let go but I can't. I hate myself for losing you, I hate myself for letting it get to that point. I hate the fact you walked away, I hate the fact that I only went through with it because it's what you wanted. My life is a mess, I'm trying so hard not to spiral downwards but why? Why the hell am I stopping it when you obviously don't care, I try to reach out and get pushed back. I'm starting to think the hell with it. Why not let myself spiral? Why not let my life get a little crazy instead of sitting here hating myself? I'm lost, I became lost the moment I said yes to doing the one thing I will regret for the rest of my life. Since then I haven't known what I'm doing or what I need to do. I became stuck, standing still watching the world pass me by. I shut down and I don't think I've started back up. I'm just running on auto pilot... I go through the motions of day to day living, I go through the motion of moving on but I don't feel a thing. All there is, is an empty space where my heart once was.