Our Tainted Dream

Seventeen: Fatherly Love

Be my father, my guidance.

"Are you okay?" Kei calls slowly, leaning his body towards me. He touched me, stroked my hair even. What was that? What was that for? Why did he do that? Him touching my bare skin is enough to make him hurl, why would he go to such length?

"Reid, it was just a touch." Kei explains, trying to gain my attention. But my voice quiver worse than I thought, not even able to speak properly. I can still feel his head on my hand. I hate it.

"I-it's not just a touch." I tremble, rubbing the back of my head, my knees resting against the cold wall. Kei's right. It was just a touch. Nothing to fuss about.

I mean, he'd done many things to me; tortured me throughout my life. Why bother about a simple touch? No, no. Every time he lends even the tiniest bit of his love, the the next thing you know you're dangling off a roof with fire crawling on your skin.

That's how he likes to play his games.

But as the silent stretches, I could feel his hand itch on my head. As Kei starts fidgeting with his shackles, the air grows colder and colder, while I remain motionless against the wall.

"How was is like?" She starts, slowly. "Your childhood?"

I let out a quiet "Ah," in reply, pushing myself from the wall and onto the floor, lying my cheeks on the cool ground. It's soothing.

Kei respects me, giving me time to pick at my words. "Unlike my brother, I don't go to school. And while father goes to work, I spend most of my time with mum."

Lightly, I stroke my own hair, as if trying to grab the feeling off my head. "We'd study or bake... maybe cook or just talk.

"I wasn't allowed to be in a family photo or go outside. Or celebrate Christmas together but she stood beside me nevertheless. Even when father discourages me every day, treating me like trash, she has always been there.

"And at night she'd sing me twinkle twinkle, stroke my hair and sit by my side until I fall asleep, making sure I don't have any nightmares.

"She'd make cookies when I'm sad, when I'm happy. She'd make cookies every day. She..." I trail off, sucking in a shaky breath and fighting away the tears threatening to fall.

"She's dead now." I can see Kei shifting from the corners of my eyes, his expression showing pity.

"You asked how it was like. Well, it was... nice. From time to time. Until everything fell apart and the family shattered. Then I suppose, afterwards it wasn't so... nice."

"Sorry for asking." He mutters, shifting—for the hundredth—time in his shackles. "I'm used to it." I murmur, "I mean, once I was in a Ferris wheel staring down at the world with a lady. Now I'm in a cold basement bleeding my ass off."

"With a friend." Kei laughs, scratching his gold locks.

Shakily, I use my arms to lift myself up into a sitting position, my hair flopping down onto my face once more.

"Reid," Kei calls gently, very gently. "Can I say something about your father?" I look at her, the black marks at the corners of my eyes bruising more with each passing minutes.

"He's such an ass. I mean he's a handsome man, really if I were the right age I—

"Shit, I forgot I'm in a relationship with Crabby."

I almost snort. Daniel Davidson, a man respected at first sight. "Yes, Kei you are. If he hears that you'll be hanging from the Eiffel Tower with only your head and body."