Our Tainted Dream

Ten: A Promise We Can't Keep

Two pinkies intertwined, Silent words spoken.

Somehow, I could feel myself sink, drowning as an iron taste fills my mouth. Falling as if a rope has been tied to my chest, suffocating me slowly. And a hand in mine, too hot to the point where it burns my palm.

He trembles worse than ever before, tears staining his pale cheeks. He shifts on my lap, sweat beading on his forehead as another tear trickles down his skin.

Jump off, tie a noose, grab the razor, grab the pills, do what you have to do.

I let my hand gently glide in his hair. White as the fleeting doves, and soft as its feathers. His hand clenches the fabric on his chest, tugging harder and harder with each passing minute.

I could feel it against my neck. I could feel the rope tightening, suffocating me from the world. I could feel myself slip away, but not truly dying. Her song that was once a lullaby now a song of death.

"Please," He pleads, barely a whisper. "Please," He scratches at his neck, almost like he's being strangled. "Let me go."

I feel my eyes roll back, I feel my knees hit the ground, I feel everything fading away. I could feel my eyesight darkening, I could feel my limbs numbing; and I could feel the familiar sensation of... dying.

This man... a man I met only two days ago. A man who's been living his life in a pit of problems. A boy who grew up surrounded with nightmares, scared without his mother. No father to raise him up, no brother to play with. No one but his mother. And he lost her.

Could it be? Will this pain finally end? Is father the one doing this? No. He'd never let me have a peaceful death. Hell, he won't even let me die. He'll pull me back; he'll save me from entering death's door only to pain me all over again.

A lie. I say. Sometimes I wonder if there are scars underneath that cloth covering his back. I could check. I could expose his spine. I could reveal the truth. But I don't. I couldn't bear to see him that way. Not because of how it would look; but of how much it'd hurt me to even imagine a growing child beaten by his own family.

The hand burns against my own, pulling me from the peaceful darkness and into the blinding light. But I realize; that's no light. It's nothing but a wall of lies. And once I break through it, darkness envelopes me once more, a pair of arms hugging me close, burning my back and body.

He's always so gentle. The way he speaks, the way he cleans; even the way he washes his hands. Even when his hands were in mine, it was always so gentle. His eyes, dull but soft. Always in thought, always thinking. Always worried about things.

Father's laugh echoes in my ears, ringing throughout my bones. I let myself sink into his burning warmth, pain trickling on every part of my skin. I let myself be embraced by his deadly hug. I let him hold me there. I let him hurt me more.

What went wrong? How did it come to this? How could someone be treated this way? No one deserves to be this hurt. No one deserves to be kicked out of his home. There are so many things I don't know. So many things we haven't discovered about each other. Yet the way he treats every person he meets―Kei and I―it's almost like... He's afraid. There are always times where he looks at us like today is his last day on earth.

But I won't let him hurt her.

I'll take care of him.

I'll protect her.

I'll fix him.

I'll keep her safe.

I'll make sure he doesn't get hurt.

Even if it costs me my life.