Still Loving You (Synyster Gates Series: Book 4)

The Future is Never Promised

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On April 11th, the men of Avenged Sevenfold were up at the crack of dawn, prepared to face the seven hour flight to Dawson's Creek, British Columbia to begin the North American Leg of the Shepherd of Fire tour. Although the thought of leaving their families once again created an agonizing feeling in the pits of their stomachs, they were eager to travel the world and meet new fans and run into many old ones as well. 

Brian, on the other hand, began to seriously consider taking a small leave of absence from the tour to tend to the needs of his family. Over the course of two days, he became aware as to how much help Jackie was going to need once he left. He observed the way Noah would refuse to calm himself down in her arms and the way Sophia would beg for Jackie's attention while she was making an attempt at soothing Noah. He could see the frustration on Jackie's face when she failed to appease both children. It was at those moments that Brian would seize any of his activities and quickly cultivate the needs of his kids. 

He also considered staying home for half of the tour because of Jackie's rocky state of mind. He noticed the depressive state she managed to develop soon after Noah's birth and believed she needed her there more than ever. Despite the certainty he felt, he had a hunch she would reject his offer and forcefully send him on his way. 

With the sun breaking over the horizon of Huntington Beach, California at 5:50 in the early morning, Noah lay quiet and peaceful on Brian's chest, while Brian lay on the couch--his fingers rubbing the small back belonging to his son--and listened to the local news broadcaster discuss the three year drought. Brian looked over at Jackie who held a sleeping Sophia in her arms, as she rested her freshly pedicured feet on the coffee table. The married couple, both, were quiet and allowed only the voices emerging from the television to fill the sitting room. Needless to say, the ambiance was full of tension and discomfort. 

"You sure you can handle everything?" Brian asked, breaking the silence in a rough, deep voice. "I can stay for a few more days."

Jackie lightly nodded, running her French tipped nails through Sophia's dark brown locks. She was able to sense the hesitation and doubt in Brian's voice; picking it up wasn't a challenge when he was doing so in an unmistakable manner. "I've done it once. I can do it again," she said, releasing an exasperated sigh, "I am not a new mother."   

"Do you trust me?" He proceeded to ask and in return receiving a daggered expression from Jackie's green eyes--her teeth clenched and her jawline became even more defined that it was etched out to be. "When I leave, do you trust I'm not going to do anything that slightly mimics my actions last year?" 

"I'm not going to answer that," she replied, holding the glare she was infamously known for--the same glare that started many fights in high school, college and in her marriage. "You're giving me reason not to trust you, which is not to say I don't already." 

In a rankled fashion, Brian rolled his dark honey-brown eyes, clearly upset by the words her heard ever so frequently, "Can you please stop saying you're not going to talk about it, or you're not going to answer it? Can you have a little faith in me, Esperanza, please?" He begged; his voice rising slightly louder with each word he'd speak. He gently held and supported Noah's body with one arm and rose up, sitting up right; the infant's body managed to fit perfectly in the length of his father's forearm. "I guarantee you, I won't make the same mistake I did. I just want you to trust my word. I'm promising you--" 

"Mission impossible, Brian." She bitterly smiled, rolled her eyes, and shook her head in an unamused manner. However, she did find it quite entertaining how Brian believed he was going to gain her trust back by simply asking for it. It seemed as though he thought of his infidelity as a minor stray in their marriage. "It's going to take way more than a simple, superficial promise that'll eventually become meaningless."