Still Loving You (Synyster Gates Series: Book 4)

Stormy Waters

So much has happened recently, I feel like Jackie-so stressed out...

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Jackie couldn't take it anymore-four days spent tending to a newborn and a soon-to-be toddler managed to burn her out. She would constantly be changing, feeding and cradling Noah, while giving her attention to Sophia, who would cry bloody-murder until Noah was no longer in Jackie's arms and all of the attention was on her. It was a clear sign of jealousy-a trait Sophia apparently picked up from Brian.

Being a new mother again, impacted her social life in a tremendous way-she somehow no longer had one. All of her time was spent with her children, catering to their every needs. Jackie recalled the times she would leave the house for a mani-pedi and return hours later, feeling calm and at ease, the times she would go for walks around the gated community and return with a clear head, and the morning gym-workout sessions with Marlene and Gena. The memories of she and her close friends going out for some drinks while Brian babysat flashed through her mind, making her miss the good ol'days. She somehow felt those days were long gone, now that she had two children present in her life.

The sound of Noah's loud, piercing cries bounced off the walls in the sitting room of their home, as Jackie paced around with the infant in her arms, trying her best to calm him down and seize the tears. She had done everything she could've possibly done-she changed him, bathed him, and fed him-but nothing seemed to please the newborn. Jackie was slowly becoming frustrated, for she hadn't a clue what else she was supposed to do. It was moments like those that she hated to admit, Brian's help was greatly needed. It seemed he had the magic touch to calm Noah.

"Noah, help me out here," Jackie begged, placing Noah on her shoulder as her eyes welled with tears, "I don't know what you want."

Sophia's footsteps could be heard against the hardwood floor, inching closer and closer to the sitting room. Jackie turned her attention to the hallway, where Sophia entered holding a pod of the laundry detergent: Tide PODS. The toddler observed the object with a curious look plastered across her face and began to raise it to her mouth.

Catching a glimpse from the corner of her eye, Jackie took a double-take and gasped loudly-so loudly that the tension in her throat nearly sealed her vocal chords shut. "Sophia, don't!" She shouted, making her way around the couch. She swiped the pod from Sophia's hands, sending the child into a pool of tears. Jackie released a sigh, shoving the colorful pod into the pocket of her sweatpants. Guilt quickly began to swallow her whole for many reasons-she made her daughter cry and she could've also accidentally poisoned her child, simply because she failed to hide bucket of laundry detergent, due to the chaos unfolding around the house.

"Mine," Sophia whined, stomping her feet on the Armenian carpet, "It's mine!"

"It's bad for you, babe," Jackie replied, lowering herself to Sophia's level as she held onto Noah, tightly, "You can get sick and Daddy and I don't want you to be sick."

Completely ignoring her mother's concern, Sophia threw herself to the ground and began to toss and turn, while mumbling, "Mine!" It was the first time Jackie had to deal with one of Sophia's over-dramatic tantrums alone, and truth be told she was fearful she was going to fail at calming her own daughter. She found herself becoming uneasy and suddenly anxious-her heart raced rapidly and her palms began to sweat. She set Noah on the cushion belonging to the couch, then proceeded to rise to her feet.

The house was full of tears and she was full of discouragement. Jackie shifted her eyes between Sophia and Noah as they cried; their eyes leaking with tears. She was hopeless. She no longer felt sure that she could take on the role of being a single mother while Brian was away, but she would've been damned if he found out.