Bloodsport'15

24

Taehyung woke up for the ninth time that night a sobbing mess with puffy eyes and a runny nose. he cried so much in his sleep that he felt as if he were drowning. he couldn't express the pain in his heart and the ting in conscience. 

he hated this.

he rolled over in bed and locked eyes with Jungkook who seemed to be studying him for a while. more times that often Taehyung woke up to Jungkook just studying his once sleeping frame. he found the younger trying to mimic his sleeping pattern in attempts to seem more "natural".

they just stared for a while til Jungkook spoke, something that made Taehyung calm down a bit, "stop crying please, it makes me sad."

"you don't feel emotions." Taehyung snapped back.

Jungkook couldn't get mad at that because in fact he didn't. at a young age he learned emotions were all mental. he could pick and choose what he felt but learned that anger and love where the two that were hardest to control since they didn't reside in the head.

see sadness wasn't really sadness. if your mother died you weren't sad because she was gone per say but because your brain tells you all the wonts. you won't see her again. you won't touch her again, you won't speak to her again, you won't be able to hear her voice, you won't be able to make up for your mistake, you won't be able to pay her back for all the troubles you've cost.

and jealousy isn't really jealous. someone else is prettier than you- you tell yourself that person is prettier. you tell yourself that they're fake. that they use too much make up. you tell yourself that that person would be prettier if they did this or that when you find them pretty ok a daily bases and despite how much you criticize their looks, you wish to be them. because you know that despite what you say about them- they're beautiful.

you fall in love and your brain tells you what? it's not your brain it's all your heart, your heart says that that person is it. they're who you want and need. your heart is drawn to that person and finds warmth in their arms even in the darkest hours.

and anger is an emotion of the heart deprived from love that fails. it's an emotion that can't be explained fully but can be observed. easily. unmistakeable- in shades of red.

you can make a heart beat after it stops but you can't stop yourself from loving someone.

you can't bring a brain back after it dies, but you can tell yourself that you're not sad and believe it.

"Jungkook."

"hm?"

"i don't like feeling this way."

"then turn it off."

"turn what off."

Jungkook pulled Taehyung closer and held him in his arms, feeling his heart pick up speed, "turn it all off, turn off the sadness and the grief. make it go away for a while and every time it comes back just push it away for another time."

"i want to do that."

"yeah?"

Taehyung nodded. "it sounds nice."

Jungkook smiled but soon it fell as he held Taehyung tighter, "listen carefully baby, when you do this.. if you do this.. it's not all sunshine and rainbows on my side of the street, yeah?"

"i don't understand."

"you're world is raining, downpour, storming, and you're soaked, but my side is raining too. only difference is, this sides got an umbrella for us."

"that doesn't seem so bad."

"but you're not supposed to have an umbrella in a storm. it'll protect us from the rain but what about the lightning?"