Champagne, Flowers & Chocolate - Kellic - Boyxboy

chapter thirty four (final)

"And he, um, he picked me up and put me in the tub. And I remember calling to my mom saying 'mom I want you to bath me'. But she wasn't home. She was never home. She worked a lot. She had like three jobs or something. Maybe that's why Dad wanted to make money." I trail off and pause, getting lost in my thoughts for a second.

I wipe another wave of tears from my cheeks and pull my knees closer to my chest.

"After he set up the camera, he got undressed and got in the tub with me."
I stop again as a lump wedges itself in my throat. The memories race through my mind. I remember the way his fingertips felt across my skin and how sick it would make me feel. I remember the toxicity of his voice as it poisoned my ears and the confusion that clouded my young mind. I remember recoiling from the camera and from him, only for him to pull me closer.

I choke out a sob and glance across the room at my boyfriend who's chewing on his pen. Sitting across from him gives me the illusion that he's nothing more to me than my therapist. It makes it easier to talk about what my dad did.

But that illusion is dead now and all I crave is his strong arms around me.

"I can't." I choke out, deciding that I've had enough.

"That's okay." he whispers then he clears his throat. "Our time is nearly over. You've done really well today, Kellin. I'm so proud of you."

I smile a little at wipe my cheeks again.

"Come here." Vic says softly, opening his arms for me.

I release my grip around my knees and stand up. I move around the coffee table and climb onto Vic's lap, falling into his arms. He holds me tightly while I just relax for the first time in an hour.

He kisses my head and rubs my back soothingly.

"It's going to get easier, Kells. It's not going to feel this hard forever." he tells me.

"I know." I murmur.

"Good. I love you." he reminds me.

"I love you too." I smile.

I pull back a little and gently touch his cheek. His caring eyes are boring into mine. I get lost in them and let my thoughts drift to something that's been on my mind.

"I'm always going to consider you my first." I whisper to him.

His face softens and he tucks some hair behind my ear.

"I was. What he did and what those other men did–that was not..." he trails off and sighs, seemingly struggling to find the right words. "It doesn't count."

I look down at my wrist and start fiddling with my charm bracelet.

"I just feel like I was robbed of my purity and my innocence." I whisper, a tear sliding down my cheek.

Vic catches it with his finger before it falls.

"It's only made you blossom into a mature young man." he says gently.

"But it was too soon." I whisper, remembering my thirteen year old self making out with a nineteen year old in the bowling alley bathrooms. I was just a kid, I should have been bowling.

Vic places his hand under my chin and lifts my head up.

"I know." he whispers. "But you still have innocence in you, Kells. I see it in your messy room, your little temper tantrums, the excitement in your eyes when you get chocolate, when you insist that I kiss every little bruise and bump better, the blush on your cheeks when I compliment you, and in those big starstruck eyes. They did not take everything away from you, darling. You merely gained strength."