Not A Chance

Chapter 3 - Casualties

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod."

"Stop it!"

"That's Spider-Man!"

"No shit, Sherlock!"

"I'm freaking out! I'm really freaking out!"

"I know and if you don't stop he's gonna notice, we gotta look cool."

"Spider-Man..." Repeated Wade.

"The suit gives it away, doesn't it?" Spider-Man looked at the weapon he now had in his hands. "This is yours, right?"

Wade nodded slowly, he was star struck.

Spider-Man easily broke the thing in half, before giving it back to him. "There you go."

"Okay, that was hot."

Wade was still silent, he hadn't been able to say a single word. This made Spider-Man tilt his head slightly to the side in confusion, a normal criminal would've already ran away or at least tried to attack him. The guy in front of him was doing none of those, was he in shock? Scared?

"Who are you?" Spider-Man asked.

Wade smiled, letting the broken weapon fall to the floor. "Deadpool. Captain Deadpool." He held a hand out for the hero to shake. "Nah, just Deadpool. Professional mercenary at your service." In that moment he swore he heard White facepalm.

Peter frowned under the mask. So a mercenary...that'd explain a lot. He stared at his hand for a couple seconds which felt like an eternity to Deadpool.

"Come on Spidey, don't leave us hangin'."

The hero finally took his hand, giving it a gentle shake.

"Ohmygod he's touching us."

"Who's uncool now?"

First base.

Before Deadpool could say anything else Spider-Man squeezed his hand tightly and twisted his arm so it was now behind his back. "Woah! Okay! I didn't see that one coming!" Wade laughed. Peter grabbed his other arm and effectively webbed his hands together. "From first base to third in less than five minutes, that's a first."

"What are you even talking about?" Spider-Man asked with that classic 'what the hell is wrong with you?' tone Wade was used to get a lot.

"Spidey, I'm flattered. I really am, but I just met you-"

"And this is crazy!"

"And I think we're going a little too fast- don't get me wrong! I'm into pretty much anything, bondage included. But-"

"Oh my god, please shut up." Spider-Man wrapped him up in his webs and was genuinely surprised by the lack of resistance. The guy- or Deadpool, was literally doing nothing! He wasn't trying to escape nor was he begging to be set free, Peter even began to wonder if Deadpool was aware of the situation.

He picked him up and carried the mercenary over his shoulder.

"I have the impression that you're a top. Don't worry, I'm versatile. We could take turns!"

Peter rolled his eyes, before throwing him off the building. All Wade could do was scream, that had been unexpected but there are worse ways to go.

Then he stopped falling. He had been caught by another one of Spider-Man's webs. He really was thankful, it would be embarrassing to have his blood splattered across the pavement in front of one of his idols. Besides, healing would take a while and he was pretty sure Spidey would be scarred for life.