Not A Chance

Chapter 9 - Besties

"Chinese? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not? We always have Mexican and McDonald's, maybe we should change it up a little bit."

"But Chinese?"

"Chinese sounds good to me." Wade shrugged. He grabbed a hoodie and put it on, making sure his face was as covered as it could be before going out.

He decided to take the day off and enjoy himself, he'd been working like crazy ever since the last time he saw Spidey. Weasel had like a thousand jobs for him the next day when he visited the bar and given that he had nothing else to do he'd taken care of every single one.

"We haven't had Mexican since we went to Queen's Taquitos with Spider-Man." White refused to give up.

"Remember how his mouth looked as he was eating those nachos?"

"Who would've thought Spider-Man had such a cute nose, right?"

"Nothing compares to his ass though." Deadpool added as he walked down the stairs of his apartment building with his hands tucked in his pockets.

"Don't be a pig."

"He does have a pretty nice ass."

"Do you think he likes us? I mean last time he didn't seem as grumpy as he usually is around us."

"Are you serious? We're basically besties now." Wade looked down at his feet as he walked down the street, he always did this so people wouldn't have to see his face. At this point he didn't care what people said but he wanted to have lunch in peace without having to put up with assholes and weird looks.

After a few minutes he entered the Chinese restaurant and walked to the very back before taking a seat at a table next to the window. He scanned the menu and moments later decided he'd have the spring rolls. He looked up from the menu and at the T.V.

The news, of course. Why couldn't they put something more interesting on? Like cartoons! Now that he remembered...he hadn't watched the last season of My Little Pony yet due to work.

He gasped. "Outrageous!"

"We're fake stans!"

"No we're not, how dare you?"

"...another building. Police insist people stay away from the scene for security reasons."

Wade paid attention to the woman's clothing. "Look at her cleavage, do you think we'd look good with something like that?"

"Not as good as her but we could try."

"What if our suit had that cleavage?" Wade smirked, he probably looked like America's Next Top Monster but he was sure he could pull it off. He had the man boobs of a god.

"Oh my god, yes! It would be so distracting! People would so look at it first instead of at the guns." Yellow sounded genuinely excited with the idea. "Besides, I've always wanted to be the femme fatale."

"Bet ya Cable would be down to suck our di-"

"...Spider-Man."

Wade was now paying attention to the news. He looked at the terrible quality video of Spidey and grinned. "I know him!" He exclaimed probably a little too loudly, since a few people looked at him but right now he couldn't care less, his bestie was on T.V.

"Despite New York's hero's efforts to stop him, the mutant, now identified as Rhino, managed to escape. Police are still investigating and there's been no new information they're willing to reveal to the public just yet. This has been the third bank robbery this month and the second involving Rhino. There's been speculation about Spider-Man being involved with said crimes, according to the publisher of the Daily Bugle, John Jonah Jameson, the..."